SIM by the Dozens

Donnybeisbol’s “Doin’ the Dozens”

 

Lots of great things come in dozens – that’s groups of 12, for the uninitiated.   Donuts, absolutely.    Eggs, surely.   Who could forget The Dirty Dozen?  And the Apostles (OK… I guess one of them didn’t turn out so well).  Why not do the SIM in dozens as well?

There are dozens of examples, no doubt.  But the dozens referred to in today’s article is in fact related to definition number three, courtesy of our friends at Miriam-Webster:

Do-zen  3.   Plural but singular in construction: A ritualized word game that consists of exchanging insults usually about the members of the opponent’s family  — used with the

Wikipedia also weighs in on the cultural origins of the Dozens http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Dozens

Interesting… but can you really believe what you read in Wikipedia?

Nevertheless, in order to appease the long-suffering editors of the Black Type Bugler, and to protect the innocent and the defenseless, all names and identities have been changed or fictionalized.  Any correlation between the people depicted below and your actual family is purely coincidental, as well as horribly unfortunate for you.  If you feel the need to respond or retaliate, well, just send me a private message and we can do the dozens in the BTB next week!

 

SIMULATEDSPORTS / DERBYFEVER.COM by the DOZENS

1.      Your mom is so fat, the veterinarian told her to lay off the alfalfa flakes.

2.      Your mother is so stupid, she thought “maiden claimer” meant a “Lost and Found” for virgins.

3.      Your mom’s so hairy, she asked for a tattoo so they put one on the inside of her lip.

4.      Your momma is so dumb, she tried to make change for a dollar at the Quarter Pole.

5.      Your sister is so “friendly”, she’s available to be bred for 20 credits on Friday night.

6.      Your daddy’s so ignorant, he tried to enter a Filet Mignon in a stakes race.

7.      Your dad’s so skinny, Mike Wallace hired him to be the finish line.

8.      Yo’ granny’s backside is so wide, they put numbers on her forehead and used her as a starting gate.

9.      Your father is so crazy, he thought “cvbear” was a forest creature who typed resumes.

10.  Your mom smells so bad, she loses every race by a nose.

11.  Your dad is so broke, he couldn’t breed an Ohio-bred on Sunday morning during half-price week.

And finally…

12.  Yo’ mama’s so dumb, she thought “Northern Dancer”referred to Bristol Palin.