Big Sky, Small Field at DUSTY JUMPER Special

Superstar rookie writer gold4ever has been on my mind these past few weeks.  The reason is I blame him for my three week hiatus between articles.  You understand, it is difficult writing articles when you are in a Mexican jail at the border waiting to get the proper papers for my release.  And I was trying to cross back into the United State from Mexico because gold4ever was chosen to cover my last assignment in Arkansas causing me to make an emergency trip down to Mexico for work per snowcheif’s request.  Apparently the boarder patrol had trouble understanding that I needed to get back into the USA so I could continue covering simulated horses at simulated tracks for a simulated newspaper.  To add insult to this was my editors decided to stop taking my calls leading me to spend two weeks in a very non-simulated jail waiting for some help. 

Fortunately, my habit of gambling with the jockeys paid off as I recognized jock P. Wright outside my cell window two days ago.  After securing his attention, I explained my current situation and basically begged for his help.  Amazingly, he agreed to assist and after an hour or so of talking I didn’t understand the jailer was in front of my cell with Wright opening the door.  Walking away from my home the past two weeks (thanks again gold4ever), Mr. Wright stated that I should not make eye contact with anyone, walk directly into the VW Microbus in front of me, and everything will be explained to me after we cross the border.

Upon entering the microbus, I immediately realized that I was not alone.  As P. Wright was entering the driver’s side door, I noticed fellow jockeys R. Heller, R. Wray, and J. Biagi were all riding along.  All was quiet until we cleared the boarder, and then the conversation commenced.

“Thanks for the help Wright,” I began.

“No problem,” he replied, “I don’t wish my enemies in that jail.  Not that I consider a writer that lost two grand to me in cards an enemy.  You are lucky I got you out of there when I did.  You were scheduled to be euthanized next week.”

“So how did you spring me?”

Wright responded, “I explained to the authorities that you were needed in Montana for an important mission and the four of us were here to make sure you were delivered on time.”

“Good story, and good thinking,” said I.

“Oh, it is not a story,” countered Wright.  “You are needed”

“Where?”

Jockey R. Heller took over, “We are all heading to Montana for the DUSTY JUMPER Special and you will be needed for this race.”

“Of course,” I interrupted, “I need to provide coverage.  Give the runners some perspective and depth prior to the running.  Let’s see, the DUSTY JUMPER you say?  That is the thirteen furlong stakes run on the turf for three year olds and older correct?”

“It is”

“If I am not mistaken,” I continued, “the weather up there for the race should be fantastic and the turf should be firm.  So, what’s the field, who’s riding?”

“You’re riding with the field,” stated J. Biagi.  “We four jocks are atop the four runners in the race.  I’m atop of COZZENE AFFAIRE (KY).  He is a four year old dark gray colt that is trained by crandyiv.  The colt is still looking for his first finish in the money for a stakes rated race, and considering he is running against only three more runners, it will more in likely happen Saturday.  COZZENE AFFAIRE enjoys lurking at the back half of the mid pack before running down the leaders.  He displayed this running style in his last win in August over nine furlongs in an allowance race.”

“Small field,” I noted.  “What about you?” I asked while looking at jockey R. Heller.

“Well,” Heller began, “I’ve an interesting horse assigned to me, CREED CHARM.  You see, I’ve never met the trainer for this old boy, and I mean old boy.  CREED is owned by someone named computer and all communications I’ve had with this guy has been via e-mail on this Blackberry.”

He held up a phone device with an open e-mail on it from ‘computer’ that read, “don’t let CREED CHARM die on the track.”  I noted that this was not very encouraging for my jockey friend R. Heller.

“Anyhow,” continued Heller, “this horse is ten years old and hasn’t run a race since January of 2006.  I suspect that this computer guy is on the lam but is low on cash right now.  He probably found a short stakes field where he knew he could cash a check if his runner finishes; thus, the instruction to not let my horse die.  At least that is my theory.”

“Bunch of degenerates in this industry,” I noted.  The entire microbus nodded in agreement.

“I’m riding the race favorite,” interjected my liberator P. Wright as he turned the wheel onto the on ramp of the highway.  “BIG BAD N NOW (KY) is certainly the class of this race with over a half million in winnings in his career.  The brown four year old is winner of the JOHN BOZO Special and the OAK SKIER Handicap just to name some recent stakes level wins.  In fact, since trainer fusion switched this runner back to turf in March, BIG BAD has landed in the money in five of his last seven starts with the two outside the board being in graded stakes.  I look for my ride to sit at the back of the pack until the half way point and then just catch everybody after that.”

“Don’t get too confident there Wright,” interrupted the final jockey R. Wray.  “My ride POINT COLONY (KY) isn’t going to just let your steed waltz to the finish line without a fight.  While it’s true that this xanderman trained four year old has yet to win a stakes race, he has now finished in the top three in his last five starts.  Additionally, his last win, and allowance, in August was just a furlong shorter than the upcoming race.  The chestnut colt won that race lurking near the back and charging to the front starting at the half point of the race.”

“Gentlemen,” I said “this conversation has been fantastic.  I think I have all of the information I need to write a rip roaring preview that will generate the interest you are looking for.  Consider my debt to you repaid.”

“Oh no,” started Wright, “we don’t care if you write an article about this or not.  We need you at the race because we realized that our runners all enjoy sitting at the back of the pack and closing the race.  In other words, no horse seems to want to lead out of the gate.”

“Yes, so.”

“So,” continued Wright, “we have decided that for payment of your freedom is to be the rabbit in our race.  We want you to start right near the first turn and be dressed in a shirt with carrots and apples sewed to it.  We figure with the two furlong head start and a little inspiration from being chased by four stampeding horses, you should be able to maintain this lead at least to the five furlong mark.  That should get our runners where they need to be.  Once you complete this task, assuming you live, you’ll be free of your debt to us.”

So for you folks that will be at Montana on Saturday taking in the tenth under the big, clear sky, when you see a fool at the first turn running for his life wearing a fruit basket for a shirt, say a little prayer for this writer.  And a curse for gold4ever, this is his entire fault anyway.