An Equinics Diary – Why, Why, Miss Equinics Gold

A long, long time ago
I can still remember how racing on Saturday’s used to make me smile
And I knew that with God’s good grace
If I could win a graded race
Then maybe I’d have an Equinics entry with some style

But every two years it made me wonder
Would it be another Equinics blunder
Bad news on the results page
I didn’t make the medal stage

I can’t remember if we cried
but I recall my waning pride
But someone touched me on the side
and said, at least you tried

So Why, Why, Miss Equinics Gold

Drove my horses to the courses but the courses were closed
And them good ole jocks were drinking whiskey in masks
Singin’ this’ll be the day that we tried
This’ll be the day that we tried

Did you write the book of pace
And do you have faith in a horse race
If the racing form tells you so?
Now do you believe in speed and class?
Can a winner save your sorry ass?
And can you tell me why mine race so slow?

Well, I know I thought that he could win
‘Cause he hailed from some royal kin
So I went down for a snooze
Man, I never heard BB play those blues

I was a grumpy old man with a mean hangover
With a jar of itch’s hooch in my range rover
But I knew the race was over
The day they said we tried

So Why, Why, Miss Equinics Gold

Drove my horses to the courses but the courses were closed
And them good ole jocks were drinking whiskey in masks
Singin’ this’ll be the day that we tried
This’ll be the day that we tried

Now for eighteen years I been playing this game
And the losses I have only myself to blame
And that’s just how it’s meant to be
When ALLIED ASSAULT raced for the kings label
With a saddle he borrowed the bonus stable
With the cheers that came from you and me

Oh, and while the king was looking down
a plebe came along and stole his racing crown
The standings were reverse
They said the verdict was perverse

And while balata read a book on Woods
The newbies honed their new bred goods
And we just continued as we should
The day they said we tried

So Why, Why, Miss Equinics Gold

Drove my horses to the courses but the courses were closed
And them good ole jocks were drinking whiskey in masks
Singin’ this’ll be the day that we tried
This’ll be the day that we tried

Dirt and Turf all my horses are nerfed
Donnie baseball flew to where the turf meets the surf
2800 miles driving fast
He stopped a while to smoke some grass
When newbies tried to kick his ass
With the plebe on the sidelines trying to last

Now the grandstand air smelled of hoppy beer
While the bugler roused a familiar cheer
We all got up to bet
Oh, with so much regret

‘Cause ESR tried to take the gold
But the Simsters refused to fold
Would we again be put on hold
The day they said we tried

So Why, Why, Miss Equinics Gold

Drove my horses to the courses but the courses were closed
And them good ole jocks were drinking whiskey in masks
Singin’ this’ll be the day that we tried
This’ll be the day that we tried

Oh, and there we all were shock on our face
A residency in fear of lost disgrace
Not two more years to present our case
So come on, Habanero’s babies, Mercy don’t get caught
While trotter gives a Penny for your thoughts
‘Cause winning is the evil empires only friend

Oh, and as I watched him in the gate
Our chances left to the hands of fate
No angel born in Hell
Could break the evil empires spell

And as the Equinics flame burned so bright
To proclaim it’s bi-yearly right
I saw GENERAL CROOK laughing with delight
The day they said we tried

So Why, Why, Miss Equinics Gold

Drove my horses to the courses but the courses were closed
And them good ole jocks were drinking whiskey in masks
Singin’ this’ll be the day that we tried
This’ll be the day that we tried

I met a girl that had blue hair
And I asked her about her brave bold dare
But she just smiled and took my pic
So I went down to the liquor store
Where I’d probably visited a thousand times before
But the girl there said the booze would make me sick

And on the track, the horses roared
The winners cheered and the losers head for the door
But the grandstand could hear a pin drop fall
The bugler “Taps” out its mournful call

And the three men I admire most
kingab, balata and the irisharse
They brought sad news of a whirlwind slowed

The day they said we tried

So Why, Why, Miss Equinics Gold

Drove my horses to the courses but the courses were closed
And them good ole jocks were drinking whiskey in masks
Singin’ this’ll be the day that we tried
This’ll be the day that we tried