Look of Eagles – Swords Around the Throne
There is an excellent book titled Swords Around the Throne, which details the army of Napoleon from top to bottom. Yes, I know its odd to think the French actually fought for anything instead of attempting to undermine anything remotely connected to truth, justice and the American way, but then again Napoleon wasn’t really French, but Corsican. Napoleon stole a bunch of concepts from Rome, concepts like glory, honor and doing your duty for your country. He took a starving, chaotic nation and convinced them that maybe that growling in your stomach wasn’t a yearning for food, but was rather a yearning for glory. In the end, Napoleon didn’t succeed at ruling Europe with his Swords, in large part because no one does their duty for King and Country quite like Britain (as we shall see later), but her certainly succeeded at becoming immortal. Even today if you visit the Hotel des Invalides in Paris you have to bow your head to see Napoleon’s tomb (what with it being on a floor lower than your viewing perch).
Our assembled collection of horses look to emulate these feats, bringing their swords in a cloister around the colors of their Residency. These bands of five, a chosen commitatus who would have stood with Beowulf as his chosen brothers take their swords to battle upon the turf of Kentucky. Glory awaits the winner of this prestigious event. Bloody ruin is the only fate for the vanquished. Sic transit gloria? Not today my readers. Today, glory reigns.
Wow, that last paragraph was both obscure and full of forced poignancy! You will no doubt find more moments of that, and if you’re expecting to get a thoughtful, book learnin’ insight into racing you obviously haven’t read the Look of Eagles before. We’re taking a look at 15 horses here but more importantly we’re here to entertain. Luckily there are 19 other articles about Smackdown II, so if you didn’t like Superman Returns, you probably don’t want to continue reading.
Why do we fight? We fight for survival. We fight for religion. We fight for ideology. We fight for oil. Our battle in this race is the most noble of fights, for the horses on these fields fight for glory. They will fight and race because that is what they were bred and trained to do. Everyone on the pitch (curse those penalty kicks and the diving Portuguese!) this Saturday has had their taste of glory, of immortality. Now they will test themselves, not for their owners but for their country (or residency as it may be). Into the horse latitudes they plunge. Salute their grace and ferocity. Only 5 will come forth heroes worthy of the term and able to stand by Achilles without shame. The rest will be side notes in a Springsteen song, born to run but broken on a highway, not in fields of green but exiled to somewhere in Northeastern Jersey.
Before our 15 engage in conflict, I thought it would be appropriate to get everyone in the mood for battle by reflecting upon the 10 most decisive conflicts in modern (read 18th century to the present day) history. Why 10 and not 15? Everyone likes top 10 lists and after the first 10 you’re starting to reach anyway. Nothing would be the same if these conflicts went differently. It’s quaint to talk about chaos theory and the butterfly effect but do you really believe that something so minute can have the repercussions some speculate? Well, change the outcome of any of these conflicts, and we definitely aren’t going to see Captain Jack Sparrow anytime soon. In chronological order…..
The Battle of the Plains of Abraham 1759: Fought just outside of Quebec, the battle was short, but the results could not have been more decisive. The British effectively ended French dreams of a North American colony. Can you imagine if the British had been driven from the continent and not the French? The entire course of U.S. history would have been altered. Instead of being the heirs to Britain, we would have had a bunch of French tendencies, including most likely being conquered by Mexico. I doubt McDonald’s ever gets invented, so there goes your .99 cent double cheeseburgers (the best deal for a sandwich available today) and why would a French inspired country produce Summer movies? No, instead we’d be watching that nonsense they show at Cannes and pretending that we like it when actually we’d just like to see Keira Knightly clowning around on a beach in Pirate gear. A more subtle consequence of this battle was that the British General, James Wolfe was slain on field. Wolfe became somewhat of a romanticized figure. At the Battle of Culloden he refused to carry out an order of the Duke of Cumberland, to shoot a wounded highlander stating his honour was worth more than his commission. He refused to be removed from the field at Quebec until he was told that a British victory was sequered. Many theorize that if Britain had had the services of Wolfe in the Revolutionary War the outcome would have been different.
Yorktown 1781: It is difficult to pick one decisive action in the Revolutionary War, but Yorktown sums up the conflict. The British were so stunned that Washington had outmanouvered them that the British General Cornwallis (something of a tragic figure), sent out a subordinate officer to surrender his forces (which is a bit of a story in itself if you’re interested in such things). With their defeat at Yorktown, Great Britain realized they could not win this war and was forced to recognize the United States. The American Revolution is captured in vivid detail in Jeff Shaara’s book The Glorious Cause.
Trafalgar 1805: “England expects every man to do his duty” Lord Horatio Nelson signaled to his fleet from his flagship H.M.S Victory before he broke the line of the combined French and Spanish fleet, effectively dooming Napoleon and ensuring that the Napoleonic Wars would end in a British victory(or ‘Allied’, though it was really the Brits who benefited most. Then again, Napoleon was indirectly responsible for unifying Germany and we all know how that ended up). Trafalgar plays huge in England even to this day, an entire floor of the Royal Naval Museum is dedicated to Nelson and of course everyone has heard of Trafalgar square. Trafalgar ensured that Britain would influence the course of European (and World) history for the next 150 years. After this sea battle Napoleon could never hope to invade Britain and part of the reason for his disasterous invasion of Russia (other than because he could) was a result of the continuing British blockade of Napoleonic Europe. While Austerlitz was an enormous tactical victory for Napoleon in the same year, the strategic implications of Trafalgar allowed England to become the dominant European power. Without this dominance, who would have stood up to the Germans in the 20th Century? Certainly not the French….
Waterloo 1815: Perhaps this was a foregone conclusion and is not as decisive as others on this list, but still today people say so and so had their Waterloo when refering to a final defeat. The Duke of Wellington, along with Blucher and his Prussians finished off Napoleon (and the French) once and for all. Never again would Britain have to fight the French. In fact, France eventually would become British allies (of a sort) in the Crimean War and the wars of the 20th century. The history of the battle is very rich, from the charge of the Scots Greys (Scotland Forever!), to Marshall Ney charging the British squares with the cream of the French cavalry, to the desperate fight with the Prussians at Plancenoit, to Napoleon commiting his unbeaten Imperial Guard which was turned back by the British (Now’s your time Maitland!). Bernard Cornwell’s 95th Rifles hero Richard Sharpe participates in Sharpe’s Waterloo which gives a very detailed account of the battle.
Gettysburg 1863: Four score and seven years ago, our fathers brought forth on this continent a new nation, conceived in Liberty, and dedicated to the proposition that all men are created equal.
Now we are engaged in a great civil war, testing whether that nation, or any nation, so conceived and so dedicated, can long endure. We are met on a great battle-field of that war. We have come to dedicate a portion of that field, as a final resting place for those who here gave their lives that that nation might live. It is altogether fitting and proper that we should do this.
But, in a larger sense, we can not dedicate—we can not consecrate—we can not hallow—this ground. The brave men, living and dead, who struggled here, have consecrated it, far above our poor power to add or detract. The world will little note, nor long remember what we say here, but it can never forget what they did here. It is for us the living, rather, to be dedicated here to the unfinished work which they who fought here have thus far so nobly advanced. It is rather for us to be here dedicated to the great task remaining before us — that from these honored dead we take increased devotion to that cause for which they gave the last full measure of devotion — that we here highly resolve that these dead shall not have died in vain — that this nation, under God, shall have a new birth of freedom — and that government of the people, by the people, for the people, shall not perish from the earth.
Just in case you forgot, those were Lincoln’s words, not mine. Gettysburg was the greatest battle on American soil. Gettysburg the movie is a must see dramatization of this three day event. Much better men have pontificated on the battle than me and there is a wealth of material to read if you are interested. A Union defeat here probably leads to war exhaustion and a peace agreement with the Confederacy. This in turn would have led to 100 more years of unrest and war between the two nations and the United States would never have become the Superpower it is today.
The Battle of the Marne 1914: The Germans almost conquered France in the First World War as they enacted the Schlieffen Plan (you have to respect a man who spends his whole life, and is remembered throughout history, for devising a plan to invade France) Relayed very well in the “Guns of August”, the German general von Moltke wavered at the last minute, sending much needed troops from the West to the East. By doing this he commited the gravest mistake, Schlieffen’s reported dying words were ‘for god’s sake don’t weaken the right’. The reeling French and British dug in, “gentlemen, we shall fight on the Marne” and drove the Germans back. Both sides stopped and dug trenches and there they sat for 4 more years, but the results were decisive. France would not be conquered and Germany would not have dominance over Europe.
The Battle of Britain 1940: “I expect that the Battle of Britain is about to begin. Upon this battle depends the survival of Christian civilization. Upon it depends our own British life, and the long continuity of our institutions and our Empire. The whole fury and might of the enemy must very soon be turned on us. Hitler knows that he will have to break us in this island or lose the war. If we can stand up to him, all Europe may be free and the life of the world may move forward into broad, sunlit uplands. But if we fail, then the whole world, including the United States, including all that we have known and cared for, will sink into the abyss of a new Dark Age made more sinister, and perhaps more protracted, by the lights of perverted science. Let us therefore brace ourselves to our duties and so bear ourselves that, if the British Empire and its Commonwealth last for a thousand years, men will still say, ‘This was their finest hour.’”
And with that Churchill rallied the British nation, invigorating them and preparing them for the death struggle that was about to ensure with Germany. Churchill refused to even consider terms of surrender with Germany (Much like Czar Alexander I refused to consider terms from Napoleon after the French occupied Moscow). He inspired the British to stand alone until the U.S. got off their hands and pitched in. Like Trafalgar before, the Battle of Britain made it impossible for Germany to invade. The Royal Air Force bled the German Luftwaffe red. This is the first of several battles that were decisive in this, the most decisive of wars.
Stalingrad and El Alamein 1942: Germany was dealt two crippling blows in 1942 with the dual defeats at Stalingrad and El Alamein. It was said that before 1942 the Germans never lost a battle on land and after 1942 they never won one. While this may be an exaggeration, it’s pretty close. The British, under Montgomery defeated Rommell and his Afrika Corps once and for all in the desert of North Africa. Rommell may have been tactically brilliant, but his strategic aims were unrealistic due to supply problems and Germany’s view of Africa as a minor front. Had Germany been able to defeat the British at El Alamein it is conceivable they could have conquered Egypt and the entire Middle East, eventually linking up with the German Sixth Army that was besieging Stalingrad. Instead, the British broke the Germans at El Alamein and drove them back across North Africa, eventually leading to the surrender of 350,000 Germans.
Stalingrad was the costliest battle in human history as the Germans and Soviets locked into a death struggle that became more a battle of ideology than one of territorial significance. By the time the von Paulus surrendered the Germany army, 2 million German and Soviet casualties had been incurred. Rarely have two opposing forces fought with such hatred toward each other as in this conflict. They say you can still pick up shell casing in Volgograd (modern day Stalingrad). For both Germany and the Soviet Union the city became a symbol of their struggle. After losing Stalingrad, Germany was effectively finished in the East. You can watch parts of the battle of Stalingrad in ‘Enemy at the Gates’.
Arab-Israeli War 1948: After Britain and United States formed the State of Israel after WWII, the Arab nations surrounding Israel were none too pleased. If Israel had lost this war, it’s likely that the entire complexion of the Middle East would be different today. Both sides can debate the ideological implications of this.
Now, onto our residency warriors….
Post 1 brings us Blazing Sevens. It’s always good to see a Seattle Slew still on the track. A winner of $1.7 million this horse seems more like a sprinter at this stage of his career. You can’t discount someone who has found the winner’s circle 14 times, but Blazing Sevens drew a terrible jockey, 2% winner G Lambert. If he’s going to win, Blazing Sevens is going to have to do it all on his own.
In Post 2 we have one of the top contenders in the race, Duex Bloon. Though his name seems a bit suspiciously French, he is a force to be contended with. This son of Double Trigger has won 3 of his last 4 races, with the other result being a 2nd in the GI KY Horsemen Mile. He will set a serious pace and dare the others to keep up.
Lightly raced Tinker Toys occupies Post 3. This 4-year-old son of Fantastic Light has been in the money for 7 of his 8 career starts, winning five of those. Looks like he is coming into his prime running a 105 SF last time out while placing 2nd in an open stakes. Could be very dangerous, he will contest the lead with Duex Bloon.
Abe Hollandia is in Post 4 and it looks as if a monkey is riding him. And I’m not talking about a Space Monkey either. Jockey A Alexander is a stunning 0/75. You almost have to try to lose that many races. Is he paying off a gambling debt? My favorite thing about Abe Hollandia is that he didn’t show up in the Afleet Alex Overrated Stakes. Obviously Abe Hollandia didn’t want to insult the legendary hero. It’s a bit shocking that the SIM would allow such a distastefully named race to be carded. This son of Black Tie Affair has a lot of experience in graded company. I don’t like his chances to win with that jockey up top, but a top 5 isn’t out of the question.
Post 5 has your favorite, the self-proclaimed best turf miler in the GR Simsters, Beyer Beware. Beyer Beware usually runs in the Lennbrenner Empire colors and as such routinely has things thrown at him during warm ups. Agents from the Lennbrenner Empire paid a large sum to ensure top jockey D Givins was up top. This race will almost surely put BB over the $1 million mark. One note of concern – Beyer Beware has never won at a mile. He’ll be flying late, but he may have a ton of ground to make up with Duex Bloon setting the pace. Will likely run out of track, but almost a given to get a top 3.
Post 6 has the California horse Chester Copperpot. Like Kate Hudson, CC was almost famous. He scored a big win for Brian last year, threatened to take on Simster legend Ziklag (you’re welcome TM) and then kind of faded off. He is still capable of running in the high 90s and could spring a triple digit. Might steal a 4th or 5th if he gets one more day of Summer like Billy Chapel.
Fake, fake, fake is the best way to describe the Post 7 horse. This former claimer, bred by TM, claimed by former Simster Lopo, and now trained by Dan somehow won the KY Horsemen Moonshine Mile (G1). I’m sure that fact alone makes him a target for the Horsemen in this race. This son of Aptitude has to be considered one of the favorites on Saturday. Another closer that is going to have make sure he has enough track.
Rebellion occupies Post 8. A son of War Chant, he has plenty of graded experience and will feel right at home in this group. More than capable of firing a 106, this stalker is one to watch as well.
Stereotypical Cat has been very consistent lately running low 100s right around 8-9 furlongs. There is some talent here and this Tale of the Cat x Broad Brush colt has a mean streak as well. He’s going to have to overcome a jockey handicap, as his rider Hoge is only winning at a 5% clip. Might be a lot to ask from a rider that is going to have to weave through about 10 horses coming into the final turn.
The number 10 horse is Open Sez MR. I’m not really sure what that name means, but I gather its an attempt at being clever. This son of Opening Verse placed 5th in the Moonshine Mile. He has some talent, and hasn’t faded, so he might be able to hang around for a 4th or 5th in this one.
In Post 11 we have the defending Smackdown Champion in the turf mile, Transylvania. Unfortunately, that was the last race he won prior to winning a sprint allowance last time out. Transylvania has been an enigma his entire career. He ran a 102 as a two year old in only his second race, which seemed to portend greatness. Alas, this was not meant to be. Did Transylvania develop a drug addiction? Can he redeem himself with a return to the winner’s circle here? He pulled an improbable upset winning the first Smackdown event, and it would take a similar effort for him to win Saturday.
Centarus is an old rival of Transylvania’s in Post 12. This Galileo colt isn’t in the best form at the moment, but he has a lot of speed and should keep the front-runners honest. Probably one of those happy to be at the event, but you never know when someone will fight to the last ditch.
El Nino Rapido poses a threat from the 13 Post. This nicely bred son of Mineshaft out of a Storm Cat mare is a graded winner at the distance. He is going to be on the pace and will likely duel with Duex Bloon for the early lead. This highly anticipated speed duel would ensure an honest pace Saturday. El Nino sharpened up in a sprint last time out, so he could be in prime form for a mile.
Post 14 holds the lightly raced Machinator. Machinator has never run out of the money in his eight starts, winning five of those. This horse stalks the pace which could be perfect for this race if the front running speed falters. The big question surrounding this son of Machiavellian is class. This is his first stakes race, although he is coming off a 106 SF at 9 furlongs in Allowance Company. If he can make the jump against the graded horses in this field, he’ll be one to watch in the stretch, if not he’ll fade and not be a factor.
Finally, we have Gold Inferno in Post 15. A blue blooded Seeking the Gold x Nureyev he looks to return to form in this race. Although he routed earlier in his career, Gold Inferno has been sprinting exclusively for a while. A very versatile horse, he has won on dirt and turf, in routes and sprints. The move back to a mile could be what he needs and the 5-furlong sprint last time out no doubt has him sharp.
The Kentucky Horsemen probably have the most depth in this race. Duex Bloom, Abe Hollandia, El Nino Rapido and Rebellion are collectively better than any four other Residency horses. GR Simsters runners Beyer Beware and Colonial Childers probably have the best chances to win this race however, and Transylvania, though a long shot, is the returning champion of this race and should give a strong effort to defend his title. Vermont has a savvy veteran in Blazing Sevens and a couple young guns in Tinker Toys and Machinator. I look for the Horsemen and Simsters to split the lion’s share of the top 5 spots with the winner coming from the GR Simsters!
Before I leave you today, and to help you unwind with some frivolity after all this talk of combat and war, I’ll present my updated Top 12 Look of Eagles Hotties list. First unveiled back in October of 2005 for the GR Simsters Distaff Residency Championships we have had some stunning debuts and quite a bit of movement. But wait you say, why not just have a top 10 list as I allude to above? Well, THIS is the sort of list that just makes those final cuts way too tough. And as you may know, consistency is never my strong suit anyway. The original October list looked like this:
1. Kristin Kreuk
2. Kate Beckinsale
3. Eliza Dushku
4. Adriana Lima
5. Angelina Jolie
6. Jessica Simpson
7. Jessica Alba
8. Claire Forlani
9. Jessica Biel
10. Jennifer Love Hewitt
11. Elisha Cuthbert
12. Sarah Michelle Gellar
Four new girls debut on the list so that means four moved out. Eliza Dushku took the biggest drop moving from #3 to off the list. She powered her way up the charts based on being the rogue (who doesn’t like that word?) slayer Faith on Buffy the Vampire Slayer. Since she showed up in Tru Calling 2nd season with bad hair and overweight, got cancelled, and hasn’t been seen since, well, it’s no wonder she can’t hold onto her spot here.
Angelina Jolie also took a big drop going from 5 to off the list. I’m sorry, but if you are going to completely emasculate a formerly cool guy like Brad Pitt, take over an African country, and generally act insane, you can’t stay on my list. Who was against her and Pitt being eaten by lions in Africa anyway? It would have been even better if Shiloh had been the only survivor. Imagine, heir to the Pitt and Jolie fortunes, growing up in the spotlight, it’s a given she would have had a drug and alcohol addiction by age 14. This story would occupy the media for years.
Two other that didn’t make the cut were Jennifer Love Hewitt who just isn’t going to turn into a 20 game winner. They tell me she whispers to Ghosts on Saturday nights, but I have yet to confirm this rumor. Also leaving is Elisha Cuthbert who blew us away in Girl Next Door, was solid in House of Wax but hasn’t been heard from since. Out of sight, out of mind Elisha, we’re willing to elevate you back on the list, but you need to give us something to work with. Now onto the current list….
1. Rachael McAdams – A stunning debut at the #1 spot for Rachael. A fun game to play is when you’re watching a movie imagine Rachael in the lead female role. Almost always you’ll walk away thinking, wow, this would have been a better movie if Rachael McAdams would have had that role. She elevates to #1 on the basis of Red Eye, The Notebook and Wedding Crashers.
2. Kate Beckinsale – Kate holds steady at the #2 spot. She has the British accent, great hair and gives us multiple Underworld movies. Although I haven’t seen her yet in Click, it will get a dollar show viewing because of her.
3. Anne Hathaway – Another monster debut, Anne has officially claimed the ‘girl next door’ role that was vacant when Sandra Bullock got old. Katie Holmes tried to seize it, but then the whole Cruise debacle ensued and I’m not sure she even has a career anymore. Usually known for her sweet as sugar roles, Anne gets it on like Paris Hilton in Havoc. In theaters this summer wearing Prada with the Devil. Tons of upside to Anne who is the DWade of this list.
4. Adriana Lima – Holds down the #4 spot, she’s just a gorgeous Brazilian Victoria Secrets model and that about sums it up.
5. Keira Knightly – Our third debut in the top 5, Keira powers her way up based on Pride and Prejudice and of course Pirates II. What was even better about those two movies was that she was able to retain her British accent in them. If Anne Hathaway is DWade, Keira is probably LeBron. If you haven’t seen Pirates II yet, Keira has 3 outstanding scenes and definitely brings something to the table. Pirates II might be the best cast movie I’ve seen since Pulp Fiction.
6. Kristin Kreuk – Lana Lang plummets out of the top spot and freefalls like Tom Petty out of the top 5. Unfortunately Lana is a victim of her writers, you can’t have Lana hate Superman, start dating Lex Luthor and turn semi-evil and expect to remain #1. Things better turn around soon for Lana or her descent might continue (or be replaced with Kate Bosworth?)
7. Scarlett Johanson – I was slow to get on the Scarlett bandwagon. I remember her as an alternative artsy type in Ghost World and she didn’t do anything for me Lost in Translation. All that changed when I saw The Island (horribly under-rated movie) and Match Point. After she blew things up in those, she debuts at #7.
8. Jessica Alba – Drops one spot to #8, not really through any fault of her own but the competition is just tough. She is certainly capable of moving up the list but good movie roles seem to elude her.
9. Jessica Simpson – The Nick smear campaign has had an effect, what can I say? Dropping three spots, I was going to let her slide until I saw her with red hair (WHAT???!!!) on the cover of Maxim. Much like her career, her status on this list is at a crossroads.
10. Claire Forlani – Because she’s Claire.
11. Jessica Biel – Also dropping, she’s suffering from the same bad movie syndrome that is plaguing Jessica Alba. In terms of movie roles, Anne Hathaway and Keira Knightly are make far better choices, probably because they are more marketable.
12. Sarah Michelle Gellar – Because she’ll always be Buffy.
That’s all I have. Enjoy the races, good luck to all, but an especial good luck to the Simsters!
Finally, Lots of great baseball as well going on, the Tigers just sent a message to the Sox, we’re not going away, we’ll be here all summer! Good times, very good times….