Your Horoscope for the Fall
It’s time once again for the seasons to change which only means that your horse’s horoscope will once again change. In the summer horoscopes, for anyone who paid attention, breeding any horse with A.P. Indy would lead to certain disaster. I know some of you did not heed the warnings and have heard from many of you. Here’s a sample of what I got in my mail bag:
“I doubted your word. I went ahead and used A.P Indy. What a big mistake that turned out to be. The offspring was born without a backbone. There’s nowhere to put the saddle. I regret not listening to my horoscope.”.
And then there was this one “I bred with A.P. Indy and the offspring actually won his first time out. I laughed and thought what kind of person reads those ridiculous horoscopes. I do now. The horse came back to the stable and went on a rampage. He destroyed the barn and nearly kicked a lamp over. I thought the city of Chicago was going to burn down again. It was the first time I ever had to put down a Sim-horse. He broke all four legs and his tail. What a disaster! From that day forward, I take my horoscope seriously”
Another reader wrote “I spent all my BP’s on using A.P. Indy last month. What a hideous offspring and the biggest mistake of my life. Horse has four eyes!!! Two on the front of the head and two on the back. At first I thought this was great…he could see where his competition was in all directions. He would have a huge advantage. Well, so much for that thought. The darn horse thought the finish line was in the opposite direction. He keeps running around the track in the wrong direction. Biggest waste of BP’s in my life. I will always take your horoscopes to heart going forward.”
And there are many, many more stories with very similar devastating results. Now we’ll move on the horoscope’s for the fall. First, to determine your horse’s birthdate, it appears in the racing program and is the first date that it has raced. If you just bred a horse and it hasn’t raced, well then, as horoscope’s go, it hasn’t technically been born yet, so it has no horoscope.
Aquarius 1/20-2/18
Leaves are turning color and Aquarius horses love colors. Seeing trees turn from green to red to orange to yellow simply sooths these horses. They just love to see the rainbow of colors. Almost as much as they love to see the red planet Mars. They will be so relaxed, they won’t be able to run. Best advice, race the horses at tracks without trees. They will not be distracted by the pretty colors.
Pisces 2/19-3/20
Do not…I repeat…Do not race these cowardly horses anytime around Halloween. Ghosts, goblins, witches….you name, they are terrified of all of these. They will break out of the starting gate and run away with no sense of direction. You’ll never see your sim-horse again. Lock them safely away in the stall and wait until Thanksgiving time. You will be generously rewarded.
Aries 3/21-4/19
September is the time of year where school starts in many areas. Aries horses have decided to become smarter and have engaged in obtaining a higher education and enrolled into first grade. They have already learned what vowels are…and Aries horses hate them. There are so few and they think they are a waste of time. They hate them so much, they refuse to race well at any track if they have to race in a month with a vowel in it. These planet Jupiter lovers need to be raced on in months with no vowels.
Taurus 4/20-5/20
Taurus horses are bewildered. They have been observing those Jupiter loving Aries horses and noted their ridiculous behavior, especially with vowels. It just doesn’t add up for the mathematicians. Numbers are the place that mean anything. 9 planets in the solar system, 9 days in a week, 9 months in a year. It’s all about numbers. So the best place to put these guys to have the optimal chance of winning is in the 9th race at any track and in the 9th post position.
Gemini 5/21-6/20
Simply put, Gemini horses are stupid. But they are smart enough to see how brilliant Aries and Taurus horses aren’t. Neither of them are good at letters or math. Gemini has the advantage here as they simply don’t give a darn. Just feed them some oats and let them run on the track. They don’t care if there are any vowels in a month or how many days there are in a week.
Cancer 6/21-7/22
Cancer horse love to believe in the in the unbelievable. Like, UFO’s, the Easter Bunny, the Tooth Fairy, President O’bama…ok, you get the picture. But on top of their list of believes is in the Great Pumpkin. Yes, this is the one and same from Charlie Brown and the Peanut gang. The closer we get to Halloween, the more excited they become. They will do anything to get themselves to sleep out in a pumpkin patch. After all, this may be the year they get to see the Great Pumpkin. Not much you can do about this situation, but the stars say that they will have a mental breakdown in November from a huge disappointment. I strongly encourage everyone to go the auction route immediately with this gang.
Leo 7/23-8/22
Now, those of you who were wise enough to let go of your Cancer horses will find a load of Sim-cash in your account. Now is time to grab the Leo horses. Uranus is in a frivolous mood and Saturn is looking to hook up with this planet, which is an ideal condition for Leo horses. Find them a private barn stall and let them have their time together. You will be rewarded with some wonderful offspring!
Virgo 8/23-9/22
Boy do Virgo’s love Halloween. They are out to win contests. You can make out well if you play your cards right. Racing is a contest. Enter them often and frequently. You will have to give in to some of their needs to keep them happy. Halloween means wearing costumes. You will need to buy them one to wear during the week of Halloween, maybe even the week after. Keep them happy and they will keep you happy. I’ve already bought zebra outfits for my Virgo’s.
Libra 9/23-10/22
Libra’s will have a huge ego about them in the Fall. Heck, Fall starts at about the same time that Libra’s sign does. They think they are something very special. They will do their Libra Strut and sing songs like “Walk Like a Libra”, “Hopelessly Devoted to Libra’s” and “Do You Want to Know a Libra”. Ego’s will run at all-time highs. They think so highly of themselves that they will not workout at all. The results will be pitiful on the track. Until these horses have their balloon popped, they will be a huge headache to deal with.
Scorpio 10/23-11/21
As Venus, Mercury and Earth race around the sun, Scorpio’s are ready to go. They enjoy when these three planets link up in a race and it get’s their blood going. Since they are ready to go, it’s completely safe to race them in this status. You don’t have to wait for a Sharp rating. Send them to the lead and watch them fly!! Heck, these horses are betting on the planets so you may as well place some wagers on these horses and reap the benefits.
Sagittarius 11/21-12/21
Fall is the start of American Football. Sagittarius Colts just love football. And the fillies find themselves cheerleading for their favorite team. The sport keeps them in good spirits and you need to race them in the states at a track near their favorite team. Racing overseas will be horrible. Also, if their favorite team loses, you will see the results on the track. It’s a bit of a crapshoot, but you can have tremendous results if your horse is a Jets fan and you race them in New York or New Jersey.
Capricorn’s love the Winter. Problem is, it ain’t Winter. But, temperatures are dropping and the closer the temperature equals the conditions on Pluto, the better these runners will be. Ideally, you are looking for temperatures below 40-degrees (if I calculated correctly, I think that’s something like fifteen-below in celcius). You can definitely find a few tracks scattered about where these conditions may evolve. Take full advantage of them. Otherwise, the Fall may be a good time to give these horses a nice long rest.