BTB’s First Horoscope
For years, I’ve been reading the newspaper with my nose stuck in the sports section, checking out the scores to all the ballgames and scoping out the handicapper selections in the racing section. Sure, I’ve flipped to the comics once in a while, but I’ve never looked elsewhere in the paper.
Guess what……There is much more to it. One day I actually looked to see what else I was paying for and there is news articles, stock reports, fashion articles and I even found something called a horoscope. For those, like myself, that don’t venture into the other areas of the newspaper what I have found is a fortune teller!!! This horoscope thingy actually tells you what kind of day you will have!!! And it’s based on your birthdate of all things!
Wow….who knew such thing existed? Anyways, I’ve studied and read the horoscopes for a good week or so now, and I figure that makes me an expert where I can now write a horoscope for our beloved Sim Horses. One problem…we don’t have birthdates on the system. Problem resolved…I’ve checked around and the Sim Gods and Goddesses have agreed that you can use the first racing date as your horses birthdate!!!!!
With that established, below is what you can expect from your horse this week!!!
Aquarius 1/20-2/18
Horses under this sign look to have a good week. They are full of energy but require a lot of walking around the barn during the days before their race. Walk them well and watch them go!!! Expect top three positions from most runners, you won’t be let down. Best post positions are in the middle. Avoid the rail.
Pisces 2/19-3/20
Pisces horses are moody this week. Avoid races with much spirited Aquarius horses. Pisces will be turned off by them and will run towards the rear if they must face an Aquarius. If their foes can be avoided, they should fare much better. Best post to win from are the 4th, 6th, and 9th. Avoid post position 3 and 13.
Aries
3/21-4/19
The moon is bearing major strains on distance running Aries horses. Keep these routers in the barn this week. Don’t expect too much from the sprinters either as Venus has an impact on their capabilities. Best cure to combat this, if you must race, is find a Voo-
Doo doctor and ask for the alligator blood remedy. Rub this potion on the front right leg of the horse and they should be protected. Most of us don’t have a Voo-Doo doctor, so best to keep in barn. If you do race, aim for the inside posts. Avoid post 7 at all costs!!!
Taurus
4/20-5/20
Taurus horses are being helped out with Jupiter this week, as the planet tilts on it’s eastern axis. Taurus horses will do extremely well in all races with fewer than 8 horses. Their chances of winning drop substantially in larger fields. Best posts are 11, 12, 13 and 14. Avoid post positions 1 thru 8. Taurus should also perform well on the turf, especially with Aquarius horses in them!!!!
Gemini
5/21-6/20
Pluto is in a very reckless state this week as it has been reminded that it is not an “official” planet. This translates to reckless racing by any Gemini going to the gate. Thus, expect the exact opposite of what your horse has been doing lately. If it’s been in the top 3 recently, expect a bottom 3 performance and vice-versa. There are not good post positions for Gemini, they are all bad.
Cancer
6/21-7/22
Cancer horses may be the hidden gem this week. Saturn is in a good mood and has been singing heavenly songs. Avoid races with the reckless Gemini entrants as havoc may occur. Cancer horses will do well, so take a risk and move them up in class!!! You will not regret your decision. Best posts are on the outside. Try to avoid the inside spots.
Leo
7/23-8/22
Leo’s are impacted this week by Saturn, which is in an angry mood this week and has been chanting horrible things this week. But there is a bright side, long routes 12 furlongs or more as well as muddy, sloppy and yielding tracks. Find these conditions and you can overcome this issue. Best to race in European tracks. Avoid
Virgo
8/23-9/22
Virgo’s are venturesome creatures this week, so add adventure to their race. Add distance to their normal running ability. Boost them up in the claimers. Promote them from Allowance to a Graded Stake race. Give them a challenge. You have a 50% chance that it will work!!! Best spots are in low end claimers. Avoid the Graded level.
Libra
9/23-10/22
Mercury and Venus are playing nicely this week, but they do have a tiff or two that can flare up. Most Libra’s should put in a decent race, but expect a few to be a step or two off. Avoid races with Virgo’s as they seem to think they can compete in higher levels and are grossly confused. Expect best performance with jockeys that win 11 to 18% of their lifetime starts. Avoid jockeys that do not win 82% to 89% of their lifetime starts.
Scorpio
10/23-11/21
Scorpions are prone to injury this week. Best to set their running numbers on the low end of the scale. Better yet, lock them up in a padded barn. If you must race, avoid any track that is wet. Avoid any jockey with an ITM % below 50%. Best chances for a safe journey is on planet Mars. Since no tracks are located there, yet, aim for
Sagittarius
11/21-12/21
Uranus and Neptune have a destiny for a collision. Sagittarius horses are ignorant to this fact and expect the same on the track. They will not excel, nor will they finish last. They will be stuck some where in the middle. To give them a good shot at achieving this middle ground, best to start them in the middle posts. Avoid races with Capricorns in it….don’t ask why.
Capricorn
12/22-1/19
The non-planet Pluto is pretty ticked off with it’s status and has set Uranus and Pluto on a collision course. Sagittarius horses are supposed to be respectful towards these planets, but for some reason they are ignorant. Capricorn horses will pounce on this and should be entered in all and every race containing a Sagittarius horse. Also, grab any odd numbered post position you can. Best if raced in
I truly hope that you will find good fortune with this horoscope. Good luck to all!!!