Comedy Central’s Carlin is a Doozy

When George Carlin came up with the 7 words you can’t say on TV,  I bet he learned which ones were “no no’s” after he heard the diatribes of trainers that had to face the amazing Ermington Pegasus in a race. The muttering of  “why the “beep” does that piece of “beep” have to run against me? I mean I just went to the bathroom and now I need to beep again. Can’t that beep beep trainer keep the horse away from me?” That is just 4 of the deadly FCC prohibited cusses but I am sure that all 7 were being spouted off lips of the other trainers in the race when the incomparable one began to uncork his now legendary kick. It became clear fairly soon after D Offenbacher gave the 5 year old’s bridle a shake that everyone else was running for second. The big man was back and had vengeance on his mind. That is not to say that other horses in the race did not run terrific, because they did.  In fact no one told Gramid that once EP has uncorked his best move that all other horses should run for cover. In fact this Canadian bred superstar dug in and fought Ermington Pegasus all the way to the wire and he can hold his head high about his second place finish. He certainly liked his stretch out and his stretch run was nearly enough. It is not every race that you get a chance to unseat a superstar but Gramid very nearly did that. After the third call Gramid even looked to be out kicking one of the best closers the sim has ever seen but when EP reached down for one final burst Gramid had no more answers. Super Drive and Pet Volley waged a wicked speed duel that set up the big closers. They were toast by the third call each badly singed by the pace they had set. Two of the stalkers fared better in fact two managed to hand on for minor spoils. Seven Strikes gave his backers a thrill before fading fourth and Flying Brian who looked very promising at the third call hung in gamely for a third place finish.

A few others with big closing kicks showed that Saturday was just not their day, including my pick Folsum Blues who perhaps waited to long to find his best run and wound up a well beaten but closing 7^th and Bernie Bernie who never really found his way into the fray. Taharka Ran a nice race but the 106 he turned in only was good for 5^th.  Lucky’s Capital menaced then faded 6^th. Barb’s Hot Cocoa perhaps too close to the steamy pace faded 8^th. Empty River meandered forward and then back never really threatening for 9^th. Mambo Bones seemed compromised by his 20 post dropped way back and then ran evenly for 10^th.  Old Pulpit and Tara Wore Green stalked and wilted a bit for 13 and 14th places.  Nowtheywillfearyou and Otto Causes started forward and then backed up to 15 and 16. Bellisario flamed out going for the lead and finished 17^th.  Go For Pit had an off day and finished 18^th.  Telltale Swan stalked but was a bit overmatched and finished 20^th.  When he got to the finish line Telltale (yes he can talk) looked up at his jockey and said in his best Jerry Seinfeld “if this is where we were running to why didn’t we just wait here and save the energy and guess what dummy we would have been first.” Oh well.

Congrats to Pigeon3 trainer of Ermington Pegasus, who said after the race “maybe I should have stuck a prep into this guy before the BB Classic and then he would have had this run there. I am very happy though, to have won this terrific race.” Pigeon was also very happy to accept the monster check and the Carlin golden microphone trophy from reigning TOTY Squirrel and the semi-living legend CMD (who was still wearing the silks of Gramid). CMD muttered that if he could have made it close enough for a photo it was “in the bag”. Luckily for all simmers who like honest racing there was no need for an investigation. Dogman65 (Gramid’s owner/trainer)eventually talked jockey C Duncan (the alter ego of CMD) out of calling for an inquiry. Dogman told Duncan if he called for an inquiry it might hold up his getting paid and thus delaying getting the rent paid and such. C Duncan was flumoxed by the reasoning and quickly yielded on his protest.

All in all it was a day when the world of racing meshed wonderfully with hilarious comedy. Everyone and especially yours truly tips their cap to the funny folks at Comedy Central who made this awesome event possible.  Visit http://rezboss.proboards81.com/ if you want to keep the good times rolling and poke fun at CMD, and pay homage to the great Squirrel (she is my boss at the BTB). Only 52 weeks until we can try this one again.