The Breeders Bowl Undercard Starter Starter Allowance
-Hey.
He had a form and was looking at Saturday’s card. He saw mine and apparently thought that I might want to chat. Just because I’m reading the same thing you are doesn’t mean I want to talk about it. Crap.
-Yeah?
-You look at the third?
-No, not yet. Just got here.
That was true. I’d just walked in, had enough time to order a Beam and coke with a shot of Beam on the side, and that was about it.
-You gotta check out the third. I don’t even think it’s a stakes race.
-Something that says it’s gotta be a stakes?
-Well, everything ELSE on the card is a stakes.
I planned on nursing the drinks. Plans change. I did the shot of whiskey, slid the empty glass over towards the disinterested woman behind the bar and nodded at her indicating I wanted another, and drained half of the Beam and coke.
Always delicious.
-Let me look at it.
I opened the form and opened up to the third race. The Breeders Bowl Undercard Starter Starter Allowance. Nine and a half furlongs on the dirt. A hundred and fifty thousand dollar tag – any horse that had run in a claiming race in the last six months would be eligible. Not a bad race I reckoned. Hundred and twenty five thousand dollar purse made things interesting for a bunch of claimers.
-It’s not a stakes.
-They sure try to make it look like a stakes. Look at this first horse. Winter Flag. Hasn’t even won a race this year.
-Then he probably won’t win. There you go, you just eliminated a 9-1 from contention. You can guess from here on out and come close to breaking even.
-What’s the matter with you? That’s now how you handicap. You gotta look at all the horses, man. Like number two, Star of Wonder. The 9-2 chalk. You call it chalk if the favorite is 9-2?
The bartender had brought over the shot of Beam and took the money for it off the change from the first round that I’d left on the bar. I poured it into the Beam and coke that I was drinking and took a sip from the now strong enough to maybe get through this conversation drink. I tilted the empty at the bartender again, trying to get her attention from the black and white in the corner that was showing Wheel of Fortune.
-Dunno. Google it when you get home.
He ignored me and carried on.
-Well, he just ran back to back 97s. That’s good. Deep closer – I like betting them Ed Sullivan types.
-Silky.
-Silky what?
-Never mind. You know this is a mile and three sixteenths, right?
-Yeah.
-You care that he’s only gone longer than nine once and it didn’t turn out too good?
-Get out!
He had the form. Wasn’t he reading it?
-Really. I guess he’s got a chance, but I’d sure think twice about betting him as favorite.
-You got a point! Pretty sharp. This three used to be fast. A couple bad ones in a row.
-Truth Serum. Won at the distance. Off form now. He’d be favored if he were running in this last year. Of course, he wouldn’t have been eligible last year, so I guess that’s beside the point.
-I’m throwing out the four, Cat Jocks. Never even won around two turns, last couple were slower than he used to run, just got beat for $5k.
-Look at that. You’ve already eliminated four of the fourteen horses. Only ten more to go and you can declare this race unbettable and get on to the good ones.
-Good point! Who’s the five?
Well, at least he’s now as excited about ending the conversation as I am. Two men, working together to a common goal. One of them getting drunk. To further that secondary goal I finished the Beam and coke and got another one along with the accompanying shot.
-Break a Leg, hundred to one. Just ran a sixty nine at this distance.
-Throw him out?
I looked at him for a second. I sometimes do that when somebody says something dumb to me and I don’t want to deal with it. I just look at them in silence, letting the words hang in the air. It worked.
-Right. Number six, Polished Account, 37-1. My uncle was Polish.
-Was he fast?
-Nah, he was kinda fat. A plumber. Probably woulda had a heart attack if he tried running more’n fifty yards.
-He might have been able to beat the six.
-Look at this. He’s on his 10th owner. That’s a lot of ownership.
-1.7 wins per owner. That’s something I guess. Not enough to win this.
-Nope. Number seven, Achievabone.
-You have any uncle stories about this one, I don’t want to hear it.
-Man, that’s kind of sick.
-I’m not the one with the uncle nicknamed Acheivabone.
-This one’s not like my uncle. My uncle couldn’t have run six furlongs in 1:09-3 like this guy three starts back.
-Too bad this race isn’t six furlongs. Never gone nine and a half before. I guess there’s no time like the present, but if this one wanted longer than nine furlongs, you’d think it would have happened before his thirty eighth career start. Still, he runs back to that 102, he’s got a chance. Not a complete toss at least.
-Hey, we got a contender.
-I guess. I don’t think I’d bet him at 6-1, but he’s not at least a complete toss.
Down to the last half of the field. That’s something. I did a halfway there celebratory shot. I was halfway there in the drinking category as well. It would be all downhill from here.
-So this isn’t a stakes race.
Dang. Back uphill.
-No.
-You think the writer is getting paid like it is?
-Dunno. Why would I care what the writer was getting paid?
-Well, you know. They pay extra for the graded stakes on big race days. Just thought maybe the writer was getting jobbed on this.
-If he is, it’s his own fault for volunteering to write up this race then. They sign up for the races – he wants to get paid, he could have picked some grade 3 in Japan.
-Yeah, but they even got some giveaways and stuff. That’d be funny if he made the trip out here for this race and took all night writing his article and then didn’t get put in any of the drawings and got fifty credits.
-So the writer’s a dummy. You think that’s new news?
My new friend laughed.
-Sucker.
-You got it. Let’s look at the rest of this field so I can finish my drinking.
To my surprise he complied.
-Number eight, Standing Still, fourteen to one.
-Hasn’t won in a year, ran ok going twelve furlongs last time and got claimed, showed nothing in his first start for the new barn going six furlongs. Nothing to get excited about.
-Nope. This is kind of a crappy fake stakes race. So far nobody is going to win.
-Welcome to horse racing in 2007. What’s the nine look like?
-Not good. A girl horse. Sky Cuddle, twenty nine to one. They named their horse cuddle? This thing owned by carebears?
-Sadler’s Wells is the damsire. Best speed figure was going nine furlongs. Never has gone longer. You think they’re waiting for something to run her twelve?
-So she’s bred to run longer, her best race is her longest race ever, and this in a half furlong longer than that? You think there’s a chance she fires?
-I’m not going to bet on her, but if she staggers home in fourth or fifth and outruns her odds, I wouldn’t be surprised. That’s all I’m saying.
-Well, it’s not like so far there’s anything else that’s overly inspiring.
-That’s true.
We moved ahead. I was starting to feel the effects of the whiskey and needed to end this before I switched to Jaeger and got in a fight.
-Number ten, No Yield. Sixteen to one. Well, he can get the distance. He just seems a little bit slow for this class.
-For the non-stakes class?
-Yes. It’s not a stakes. He doesn’t seem fast enough to win a race that isn’t a stakes. Or a stakes. If this were called a stakes, he still wouldn’t be fast enough.
-You’d think Rharfo would find an easier spot for him. He wins for $10k handily, then gets his brains beat in against starter company five times in a row. Don’t get it.
-Is it your horse?
-Well, no.
-Then it ain’t none of your business. Find a winner.
Four more to go. Surely one of these will have some appeal.
-Hey, look at this.
-What’s that?
-The eleven is actually good!
-Get outta here. It could win?
-Won a couple of starters going ten furlongs earlier this year. Raced pretty well against allowances lately. Dropped to win a 6.5 furlong $50k claimer last out. Fits perfectly.
-Whoda thunk. Trainer anyone I should know?
-Dodafreddy.
-That like Boba Fett?
-Probably not, but still should avoid any races on Tatooine.
-Number twelve is interesting at seventeen to one. PJ Quick Pint. Won two in a row, both fourteen furlong starter races and ran pretty good for a hundred and twenty five thousand the race before that going twelve furlongs. Good early speed, too.
-This gonna be too short?
-You know, he’s never gone this short on the dirt. He settled just off the pace going 11f back in ‘05, but geez. Whoda thunk we’d find a horse that might not like the distance because it’s not long enough.
-Still have to consider at seventeen to one. That’s a pretty fair price for a horse that was in front against moderately similar last out by 10 at the head of the stretch.
-Exacta box ten and eleven?
-You mean eleven and twelve.
-Whatever. You know what I mean.
-Still two others. What if they ran in a $150k claimer five months ago and won a bunch of grade ones since then.
-Then we change our mind.
Thank goodness this is almost over. I spent the twenty bucks I’d allocated to whiskey on whiskey and might have a seventeen to one winner out of the deal. The night was starting to look bearable after all.
-Ok. Let’s do thirteen and fourteen so I can get out of here.
-You in a hurry?
-Been in a hurry since we started. But we’ve got two potential winners and two to go. What’s the thirteen look like?
-Actually, not bad. Looks like all the good horses got stuck outside. Just beat $20k starters last out going nine furlongs. Beat conditioned claimers before that. He’s not entirely without merit. His figs might be a little lower than Boba Fett’s horse, but not much. Shoot, look at that.
-Look at what?
-He’s a girl horse. It’s a filly.
-Probably been that way her whole career.
-Yeah. Probably.
-But she’s got a chance at ten to one. That gives us three in our exacta box.
-Sure does! If we like the fourteen it’s gonna get expensive.
-I’ll do my best not to like it. Who is it?
-Fourteen. Unmarked Far Post. Eight to one. Won a couple mile claimers in a row coming in to this race. He outbreaks PJ, he might be able to get it done.
-That puts four horses in your exacta box. Think you can handle it?
-Have some prices – 5,8,10,and 17 to one. Might be worth it.
-Well there you go. An exacta box with a chance to score in the non-stakes race on the card. The eleven, twelve, thirteen and fourteen. Looks like a good bet. Might actually be a good race. Just not a stakes race.
-Yeah, still think it sucks for the writer to get stuck with the only race that wasn’t a stakes.
-Maybe he knows something we don’t.
-Probably not. I bet he’s an idiot.