EQUINIC RUNNERS GATHER FOR THE EQUINE MARATHON

So, my plans for this weekend got shot all to hell.

By the recently crowned Sim Trainer of the Year, no less. Can you believe it?

I had already purchased my tickets to Turin (that’s Torino for the Euro stylists in here) for the real Olympics, and figured while there, I’d slide on over to the track to saddle my own filly, Devil’s Slide in the Bob Champion Stakes on Equinics day. Perfect trip to an ancient world, and maybe, just maybe I’d get to rub elbows with Bode Miller…or better perhaps, Lindsey Jacobellus? I mean, who knows? Strange things do happen to mundane folks once in a blue moon, and I haven’t had any blue moons overhead for some time.

So, I’m packing up for the trip when the cell phone rings. I instantly recognize the voice on the other end of the line as the unmistakable drawl of Fats, the Trainer of the Year.

“Hey, man, what’s up?” I asked.

“Problems,” fats replied. “Big problems.”

“Such as?”

“Well, we’re buried knee deep this year with the Equinics stuff. Toppy can’t make it to Vermont. She’s tied up with about twelve other commitments, and she’s got a marathon of her own to run in on Saturday. Whirlwind is busy doing wine inventory and keeping Bentnose from assaulting other trainers all over the place. We’ve got nobody in Vermont to saddle the Super horses for the weekend. You gotta do it,” came the reply.

“Me? Why me?” I asked. “I already bought my tickets to Turin. Can’t you do it?”

“Me?” came fats’ astonished reply. “What are you, on drugs or something? I’ve got the Horse of the Year over there in Italia ready to run. I have to be there. You think I’m letting you near him? After you and Eruption stunk the entire Euroasian continent out in the Athens Equinics two years ago? Are you nuts?”

Ho hum. Some things are just unforgettable in life. The Immaculate Reception. The Fumble. The Shot Heard Round the World. The Miracle on Ice. The Thrilla in Manila.

And in some people’s minds, the Eruption Bounce. Some people have memories like elephants. I had a horse who could run like Pegasus once in a while, but was also capable of running like a drugged up elephant occasionally, too.

I begged. I pleaded. I groveled (I hate groveling). All to no avail. Zero. Fats stood his ground.

“Look,” he said. “It’s either you or Bentnose doing the grunt work for the super horses in Vermont this weekend. You want that psychopath near our horses?”

Well, I thought, no…not really….unless Lindsey calls and begs for my presence. I am not holding my breath on that one. I’d die of suffocation. But the chance to be near her just might be worth it…

So, not only did I have to scrap my tickets to Turin, I had to give them to Fats. He hadn’t even bought his flight yet, but he volunteered, without hesitation, to take mine.

“You going first class, right?” fats asked.

“No,” I replied. “Coach class.”

“COACH CLASS???COACH CLASS???Are you kidding me? I am the TRAINER OF THE YEAR. I do NOT do coach class anymore. Make those damn things FIRST CLASS. And get me a window seat while you’re at it. Coach class. Nimrod.”

So, after the first class upgrade, I sent the tickets to fats. I hope he gets to sit by some guy who’s fat enough to take up both seats. It would serve him right. At least I talked him into saddling Devil’s Slide for me. I got the usual, “sure, watch the master at work” line from him, a little cackle and then static after he hung up on me.

Such is life right now. I traded a plane ticket to Italy for a bus trip to Vermont. Don’t get me wrong, I like Vermont. But you must admit, it pales in comparison to Turin…Venice…Florence….and Rome. I went from hanging with the Pope to hanging with the Pope of Greenwich Village in one fell swoop.

So, I arrive in Burlington, and the first thing I see is a bunch of people scrambling around like rednecks at a beat up used car sale. You know what I’m talking about. Not that there are a lot of rednecks in Vermont. Burlington is a cool place. But today, it’s overflowing with rednecks. I have no idea why. The ones that say things like, “hey, Daddy, that one right chere would look MIGHTY fine in the front yard with the chickens and goats!” One of crazed people I recognize is Roys. Only she’s not interested in cars. She’s busy, as usual with the BTB. Cell phone in one hand, Blackberry in the other, it was obvious she was in a modicum of distress over something. So, I, being the generous sort that I can be once in a blue moon (there it is again- that damn blue moon), sauntered on over to see what was happening.

“Hey, Roys!”

“HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEELLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLPPPPPPPPPPPPPP MMMMMMMMEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!! PLEASE, PLEASE HEEEEEELLLLLLLPPPPPP MEEEEEEEE!!!!!”

The lady was quaking. It was like she’d been shot.

“What’s the matter?” I asked.

She had that glazed Roysian look in her eyes, only it was accompanied by the Snow chief “I’m so wound up that I gotta go WWWWWWOOOOOOOOOOO HHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO” look. It was very, very strange.

She turned and muttered something about the Sandy Hawley Stakes not being covered. You could hear the despair in her voice. Feel the palpable dread in her mind. Sense the overwhelming scent of…..well, we’ll leave that one alone for the time being. Safe to say, it was a combination of sweat and fear. Not good. Not good at all.

I’ve always been a sucker for a damsel in distress. So, I offered to shake up the old cobwebs in this rapidly deteriorating mind and help out. Roys looked up and beamed.

“THANK YOU!!! THANK YOU!!!! THANK YOU SO MUCH!!!!” She was nearly in tears.

“Whoa there, Roys, calm down. You might get some people thinking that I’m actually a nice person. I’ve spent the better part of the last year trashing my own reputation around here. You want to ruin that for me?” I asked.

“Oh….no…no, no, no…..” she said as she started to paw at the lapel on my blazer.

“OK, Roys. Just tell me where to go, and I’ll get it done,” I said.

“Great,” she replied. “Just head down over there. Right over there, right past the spot where I just sold my ‘68 Chevy pickup to that redneck over there. He thinks it will make a nice lawn ornament and breeding shed for the chickens.”

Such is how I wound up in Vermont for the Equinics. Not a bad seat in the house, I must add. I guess things just have a strange way of working out for the better from time to time.

My assignment is to cover the Sandy Hawley Stakes on Equinics day. It’s perhaps the toughest race of the day. Two miles on the dirt track. It seems like an eternity. The only thing missing is hedges to jump.

As the legs churn, rest assured that the legs will burn. Burn with the pungent tint of lactic acid as it builds up in the muscles. There’s nowhere for it to go. Basic biochemistry. Once the muscle uses up all the available oxygen to make ATP and convert the pent up energy into a form it can utilize to generate the thrust necessary to propel a 1100 pound animal forward at speeds of nearly 40 miles per hour, the muscle goes elsewhere to find fuel. Oxydative phosphorylation ceases. Finding no more stores of oxygen- the lungs are gasping to exchange fresh oxygen for spent carbon dioxide and the heart has reached a rate that it rarely sees- the muscles reach into their little bag of tricks, and start anaerobic metabolism, a neat, yet inefficient way of making ATP in the absence of the wonder molecule, oxygen. Glycolysis. Slick little ploy. Yet, it comes at a steep price. The accumulation of lactate in the muscles. Bad thing, that is. You know the feeling.

The lactate builds up. The muscles start to cramp. This is about halfway into the race. Everything the body knows says “stop!” but you can’t. Nor does the animal beneath the jockey. All he knows is “keep churning”. At what price?

We’ve all seen it. The horse, the person, they start to get the “staggers”. The limbs go numb from pain and exhaustion. The mind cries out in silent agony. Yet, the horse is surrounded by others egging him on, urging him on. It’s a classic, brutal scenario of “you won’t quit, I won’t quit.” It drives the horse, and the jockey on his back, to levels of pain unimaginable to most. But neither quits. They somehow keep going.

It’s nearing the end now. Pain has given way to numbness. No feeling. No sense of the hoof hitting the track. No sense of pain in the joints. Nothing. Just the momentum that keeps the horse and rider moving forward…nothing more. There’s no more left to give. No more left to take. Just stay on your feet, and hope you outlast the others. Some do it. Some don’t. In last year’s Breeder’s Cup, a horse collapsed beyond the finish line. He couldn’t feel the exhaustion in his limbs. He tried to run through it, and couldn’t do it. Champions do. Losers don’t. It’s a fine line between the haves and the have nots. It’s a devastating line to toe, and sometimes it comes at an inexorable price.

And so it will be in the Sandy Hawley Stakes on Saturday. A race named for a champion jockey, the finest of gentlemen. Conversely, in a sense, to his manner, in a cold, vicious race that will test all the participants to their limit and beyond. Salute the winner. Salute the losers. Know that they all gave everything they had, in a three minute and change donation at the alter of glory. Three plus minutes of the ultimate sacrifice for the achievement of a career. It’s what the Olympics are about. It’s what the Equinics are about. 16 furlongs of pain. Eight furlongs of numb limbs and naked chances. The soul of horse and man alike stripped to its barest apparition. Saddle up for the glory, pay the price and become one with the immortals.

Let’s meet the field.

Note- this is being done without knowledge of the morning line odds and the post positions. As for the former, who cares. As for the latter, in a two mile race, ditto- who cares?

Representing VERMONT

GREAT DANISH (King of Kings-Danehill) Has already posted a win at the distance, albeit in allowance company. Comes in fresh off a facile allowance score at 14 furlongs. The five year old has registered three of his six career wins in the past five races, a nice skein. He’s a horse who likes to be on or near the front end, but has the staying power to make it there and then grind his opponents into submission. Not a flashy turn of foot, mind you, just a grind, grind, grind mentality. Comes into the race in fine form, and could be in with a shot. Taking a gigantic step up in class and will be severely tested there, though.

Representing QUEENSLAND

PARTY MUSIC (Harlan’s Holiday-Palace Music) Four year old detested the slop LTO, so you can toss that effort. What’s much harder to toss is his stinker on DelPenn Champion’s Day in the Grade 1 Kelso Cup. He’ll be facing some of those same horses in this race, and he was the unhappy recipient of a 36 length pummeling in that race. While he’s proven to be fairly effective at 13 furlongs, there are huge questions about his ability to carry his stamina 16 furlongs. It’s simply a place most don’t want any part of. With Harlan’s Holiday as his sire, it’s not surprising he wouldn’t care for 16 furlongs. He likes to race from the back of the pack, which is great, but if you’re already spent when the real running begins, well, that can be just a wee bit of a problem. Could be a tough day for the boy from Queensland.

Representing GR SIMSTERS

ESPECIALLY (Sadler’s Wells-Torrential) Here’s one that has the shoes to dance all day long. By Sadler’s Wells, he’s been a force in marathons, and comes in ranked number four in the long dirt division. One race that went a long way to garnering that ranking was the aforementioned Kelso Cup on DPCD. Also a 16 furlong test of will, Especially made a strong late bid to get up by a head in a sharp 3:29 1/5. That was no fluke performance, either. He was just getting rolling in his last prep, coming up six lengths short in a race 3 furlongs shorter than this. You have to believe the extra three furlongs was going to help him immensely that day. Sharp trainer, solid barn, the GR Simsters are in with an excellent shot to medal here, and a decent shot to take the whole ball of wax.

Representing MINNESOTA

STICKER MASTADONS (Noactor-Rose Laurel) Rather obscurely bred sort traces back to some solid stamina influences, such as Theatrical, Silent Screen, Nureyev and Clarion. That’s the good news. The bad news is that he hasn’t seen the board in anything over 12 furlongs since 2004. He did have a nice allowance score at a mile and a half recently, but that’s a totally different world than he’ll face today. In fact, he’s never been farther than 13 furlongs for his entire career. Ouch. Facing off against the likes of others proven at two miles will be a daunting task indeed. He likes to come from well off the pace, but he’s going to be stepping into a world only seen in his dreams previously. Will those dreams become nightmares?

Rpresenting FUN AND FRIENDS STABLE CLUB

KANAKA (Alysheba-Green Desert) Tough competitor has made a habit of running at two miles, and the results have been pretty good. Hasn’t faced nearly the level of competition he’ll see Saturday, but a win is a win, right? Shows two recent wins at the distance, both of which were fairly easy, which makes one wonder how much he’s got left in the tank. Likes to stalk, so he’s not completely out of the picture nor at the total mercy of the pace. Has a good turn of foot, and if everything breaks right, Fun and Friends could medal in this event.

Representing GSR

SHOCK AND AWE TWO (Point Given-Seattle Slew) Ranked #31 in the long dirt division, he’s a solid performer, but he has one very tough question to answer: are his best days behind him? The five year old brown horse has won only once in the past year. He’s been facing some decent horses, but nothing like he’ll see today. He’s run well at the distance previously, but it looks like a solid second in the Grade 1 Queen Victoria Cup at two miles really knocked the wind out of his sails. He just hasn’t been the same since, and in his last try at two miles, he tossed the transmission into reverse some three furlongs from the wire, finishing a well beaten third by over 18 lengths with an under whelming figure of 81. Then there’s the last try at a mile and a sixteenth where he was fading at the finish. Doesn’t inspire a tremendous amount of confidence, but belongs on back class alone.

Representing GREAT PLAINS

ACID (Woodman-Ela-Mana-Mou) There’s been a lot of hype recently of the success of Ela-Mana-Mou as a stamina influence in the sim, and this bright chestnut has done nothing to dispel that notion. Winner of four of his ten starts, he’s already climbed to #54 in the long dirt division, an impressive feat. He is a stone closer, and the fact is not lost that in all of his recent starts, he’s been gaining ground at the finish. This will be farther than he’s gone in some time, but he does show a dominating win at 16 furlongs in his past performances. His figs are a notch or two off the best in the field, but time only matters in jail. He’s done almost everything that’s been asked of him in his young career, and he has a ton of upside. Certainly a threat to medal, an outside shot of taking a Gold.

Representing THE CR RACERS

CASUAL CONNECTION (Rahy-Cozzene) Tough, veteran six year old gray has been in a ton of wars, and while he’s taken his share of lumps, he’s doled out a few Howitzers in his time, too. Comes in off a simply overpowering win in the Grade 3 Gallant Socks Handicap at 13 furlongs, going unchallenged wire to wire. That came on the heels of a solid third in the Kelso Cup, which looks to be a key race here. He tired a bit that day, but after pressing the pace, he had some reason to do so. Incredibly, at age six, he looks to be close to the best form of his career, finishing on the board in seven of his last eight. The backclass is there, too…this guy was a runaway winner of the 16 furlong Grade 1 GSR Derby in 2004, running off and hiding by nearly ten lengths while recording a whopping 113 figure. The old guy still has some gas, and he’s one to fear.

Representing DELPENN NATIONAL

DRUNKEN CAT (Tiznow-John Casey) Well, what sort of name did you expect from the Crown Royal guzzlers at DelPenn? The six year old chestnut looks to be on the downside of a long career. His figs have gradually been slowing, and his most recent successes have been on the lawn. Nonetheless, at his only career try at the distance, he was a game second. Stalking sort will get first jump on the leaders. The question is whether those creaky old legs (which seem to be a thing at DelPenn) can muster up enough juice to keep him in the hunt for a medal.

Representing EAAA RACING

RICKY TICKY TAMBO (Sadler’s Wells-Tale of the Cat) Not exactly what you’d expect for a marathon pedigree from the dam side of things, but he’s fared pretty well at 13 furlongs and beyond. Big question for this guy is the step up in class. He’s been looking allowance horses in the eye recently, and that’s a big, big difference from some that he’ll see here Saturday. Much less encouraging is the fact that this pace pressing sort has been pulling the fade routine in the stretch in nearly all of his recent races. Does not inspire a world of confidence.

Representing IRELAND

YACHSEN (Dubai Millenium-Saint Ballado) From the only crop of Champion Dubai Millenium, one of the most spectacular horses of recent times, comes this lanky seven year old. It looks as if Father Time has taken a huge bite out of him. His combined losing margin in his past five starts is a whopping 96 lengths. I nearly had to get out a calculator to add up all the big numbers. I apologize, but there really isn’t a lot to like here in this race.

Representing ALPINE TURF CLUB

FAST FLYING II (Flying Spur-L’Enjoleur) Another old timer six year old who’s struggled of late. Still ranked #17 in the long dirt division, but has clearly lost a few steps along the way recently. Off the board in his last six starts, but he does show nice back class, having won twice at the distance last season. However, those races are starting to appear to be a cloudy memory, as he hasn’t approached those speed figures in some time. One of the oddities of the sim is that when a good horse starts to go bad, the fall from grace is usually steep and fast. Kinda like rocketing down Goat at nearby Stowe. It’s a trip none of us like to make, and this guy is looking like a face-plant in the making Saturday. Banzai!

Representing THE KENTUCKY HORSEMEN

REAL FORTY INDY (Royal Academy-A.P. Indy) This four year old chestnut is in with a big shot. Ranked #35 in the long dirt division, he’s strung together several impressive performances (excluding his last, which was a total dud), including a tough beat second in the key race, the Kelso Cup. He grudgingly gave ground late, nipped a head, in a most painful and cruel manner by fellow combatant Especially. Prior to that, he’s been solid if not spectacular in allowance company, and certainly belongs in this spot. He made all the pace in the Kelso, held off all comers, and was digging in gamely at the wire. He’s tough as nails, and if he rebounds off his last, which may have been nothing more than a loose gallop to prepare for today, he could lead all the others on a merry “catch me if you can!” style chase.

Representing DOWN UNDER RACING

GALLOPING GHOST (Wild Again-Easy Goer) Wild Again has to be one of the most overlooked and underrated sires in the sim. He gets all sorts of horses. The Wild Again-Mr. Prospector link has been deadly in producing dirt sprinters. Wild Again has sired the winners of the Grade 1 Canada Mile and other middle distance turf contests. And Galloping Ghost is his piece de resistance in the long dirt marathon division. The venerable six year old mare has knocked heads with the boys with great success in the past, and is ranked #1 in the filly long dirt division. With the points she’s accumulated, she’d be #1 in the MALE division, too. She’s won an incredible 18 races from 47 dirt starts, including five grade 1 victories, and a handful of Grade 1 seconds and thirds. A mark of consistency, she’s gone from winning Grade 1’s at the Classic distance (she won the Grade 1 Chestnut at three), to winning marathons as an older filly and mare. Three of those marathon Grade 1 wins came at the expense of the colts. She’s had an outstanding career, and should be a first ballot Hall of Famer when she hangs up her tack. But Father Time is starting to get to her. The Ghost was a non-threatening fourth in the Kelso Cup this year, and her figs are in a steady state of decline. She hasn’t cracked the century mark in some eight starts, and those high 90 figures are starting to trend down to the low 90’s. If she’s got one more bullet in her holster, this is the place to use it. As much as Allied Assault got his grand send off on DPCD, it would be nice if this sentimental favorite could muster up one more late, great charge to find the winner’s circle and trot off into retirement.

Representing OHIO THOROUGHBRED RACING

REKNOWN (Kingmambo-Alydar) This five year old is bred for distance through and through. Note the dam-dam sire Buckpasser figuring in his pedigree as well. He’s a veteran of marathon races, and has fared fairly respectably. Currently ranked 55^th in the division, he’s been, however, knocking heads with lesser foes while making infrequent forays into the graded stakes ranks. He has won at the distance, and performed admirably in listed stakes, with a bunch of on the board finishes. The big question here, though, looks to be the class factor. In his one attempt against graded company, he was soundly beaten by 13 lengths at this very distance. That’s not a slap at him- he is a very nice horse, but the lack of apparent black type quality coupled with the fact that his figs have been tailing off for some eight starts now doesn’t lend confidence that a big effort is forthcoming on Saturday.

Representing NORTHWEST RACING CIRCUIT

KURSAAL (A.P. Indy-Night Shift) Five year old looks to be heading into a slow decline after 35 career starts. He was injured three back, and frankly, doesn’t look to have yet completely recovered from that setback. Stalker lacks a devastating turn of foot, but instead uses his plentiful stamina to try and gradually wear down the leaders. With only four career wins, this looks to be a very, very tough spot for him to score his first graded stakes win, even with his apparent deterioration notwithstanding. He’s 4-0-1-1 at the distance, and his lone graded try at two miles resulted in a 16 length walloping. Unlikely to make a significant dent. Medalling would be a pleasant surprise.

Representing VIKING RACING

RUSSIAN THEATER (Seattle Slew-Sadler’s Wells) Add in dam-dam sire Secretariat, and this guy has one of the best distance pedigrees in the race. That has translated into a brilliant career. At age seven, dappled chestnut still holds down the #1 ranking in the male long dirt division (albeit with a couple hundred points less than Galloping Ghost). He recently made a nice score, taking down the Grade 1 Maykbe Diva Cup as the 2.20-1 favorite. Still capable of a big race, he’s a front running sort who figures to face considerable pressure up front today. With 25 on the board finishes in 39 route races on the main track, he’s got a shot to nab a medal for the boys with the funny hats. He’s also a defending Equinics champion, having won the mile and a half Athens Keles in 2004. There’s a lot to adore on the back class end, but reality is starting to set in. The old war horse is starting to show some chinks in his armor lately, and those horns on the Viking hat are starting to look a little askew. In with a shot, but he’s going to have to turn back the hands of time to medal with this group.

Representing BENELUX

PLACEBO (Entrepreneur-Darshaan) The brown grandson of Sadler’s Wells (Entrepreneur is a lightly used son of that great sire) has maintained the #5 ranking in this division at age six. He’s a two mile specialist, but has faded in his last five starts, moreso in his last two, where he’s tossed, for him at least, relative stinkers. He did win the Grade 1 Endurance Cup at the distance only six back, but it’s been up and down since then. In a field like this, consistency is at a premium, and we just don’t know if he possesses that at this time in his career. In with a medal shot, but he’s another who likes to be near the lead, and there figures to be, for a marathon at least, a pretty snappy pace here. Prefer some younger legs.

Representing EPSOM DOWNS RESIDENCY

DAZZLING NIMROD (Dazzling Account-Fort Chaffee) Inbred very close to Mr. Prospector (both his sire and dam-sire are sons of Mr. Prospector), he has shown good ability. Only three starts back, he found himself in a 100K claimer, and got trounced pretty good. Then, he rebounded to post a 100 figure at a mile and three quarters to finish third in a listed stakes race. That was one of the high points of his career. He’s never won a stakes race, and he’s picked an awfully tough spot to try and dazzle the masses in here.

Representing NEXIS

AUROR WORLD (Spinning World-Storm Cat) Sports an impressive record of 32-10-6-4 in routes and is thus ranked #15 in the division. Comes in off two consecutive place efforts at 13 furlongs in graded company, so the black type class is certainly there. Has performed well at the distance, including an otherworldly 17 length score over allowance foes last year. Also is graded stakes placed at the distance. Still, his figs aren’t awe inspiring, and he looks to be up against it in here. He’ll have to improve by some five to seven lengths to make the medal stand in this field, and after 35 starts, that’s going to be a tough task indeed.

A competitive field, for certain. There’s also a good mix of old and young (although some would say over the hill and up and comers). For a marathon, there figures to be a pretty strong early pace. I like a trifecta box of Real Forty Indy, Especially and Acid.

Good luck to all!