Eclipse Chatter Swirling Around Eruption Handicap
Eclipse Chatter Swirling Around Eruption Handicap
Paula Abdul and Silky Johnson as Celebrity Previewers
By Given
Just call it the Breeders Bowl with an attitude, or, with an attitude problem as the case may be. DelPenn Champions Day has arrived to send out the 2005 Sim Season with a bang. The event is so colossal that it had to be spread across three different tracks, and with the three-year-old classics just around the corner, many eyes are on
Let’s not jump the gun, however, as the DelPenn Champions Day races are also the last chance for horses to make impressions on Eclipse voters. And since said voters are known to be incredibly fickle, they may not look much past a candidate’s most recent race. So while Nextbonus’ Breeders Bowl Juvenile Dirt winner Half A World Away looks to have a stranglehold on the Juvenile Dirt Colt Eclipse award at the moment, a poor showing in the Eruption could jeopardize his chances to take home the hardware.
The race has drawn so much attention worldwide that two of the most well known celebrity judges in the world have agreed to sit on the preview panel. The first celebrity judge will be Paula Abdul from American Idol, Fox’s reality show blockbuster. Joining her will be the infamous playa’ hata’ Silky Johnson, winner of the Dave Chappelle Player Haters Ball.
But before we get down to business, it’s important to give credit to the horse that this race is named after. Owned by AFC, Eruption will forever be known as one of the fastest horses to ever grace the Sim. A son of Miswaki out of a Deputy Minister x Mill Reef mare, Eruption was bred in 2002 and won four of his five races as a juvenile. He scored a sensational victory in the G1 Movieland Futurity to finish his 2yo campaign, registering an astonishing 113 speed figure. After running out of stamina in the Bluegrass Derby, he rebounded in a major way by finishing out his 3yo season with six straight races with a 110+ speed figure, including a massive 128 speed figure in the owner-restricted SHRL Mile. His 4yo season was mired by inconsistency, but he still managed to run a scintillating speed figure of 124 in a dirt mile race halfway through the season. He retired a winner of 10 races from 31 starts including three G1 victories, a G2, and a G3, and earned more than $2.5 million. He was an incredibly fast horse, and it should be an honor for all thirteen of the juveniles competing in this race to have the name Eruption forever etched into the past performances.
It’s now time to bring in our celebrity judges and have a look at the field. So judges, do you have any comments before we start?
Paula: “Oh I am so absolutely thrilled to be here helping to preview this fantastic race! All these horses are so beautiful and I wouldn’t be surprised if it’s a 13-way dead heat!”
Silky: “Shut up you damn scallywag! The only reason I came to this is because they promised me $1 million up front. Now where’s my damn money?”
Umm, well, I think we better get to the horses before Silky decides to take off on us!
1 Who Is Dave, 2yo colt, 18/1, P Perabo (11%), Elusive Quality x
Silky: “Who is Dave? Who is Dave? I’ll tell you who Dave is. He’s a horse that has absolutely no shot to win this race. Talk to me when this horse runs a 90 SF. Next!”
Paula: “This horse most certainly has a chance to win this race, I mean just look at his most recent race. Running at 8.5 furlongs, the same distance as this weekend, he dominated a stakes race by 1-3/4 lengths. He might just be hitting his stride and a large jump in speed figures might be in the works.”
2 Beau’s Pegasus, 2yo colt, 9/1, M Squitieri (13%), Fusaichi Pegasus x Deputy Minister x Private Account, trained by mortician
Silky: “Oh great another horse that has never run a 90 speed figure. Where did you find these horses? Claimers at
Paula: “Don’t listen to Silky, he’s a playa hata. Here’s another horse who could improve by leaps and bounds this weekend. A winner of two of his last three races and both of those races were 8.5 furlong stakes. The first he crushed by 4-1/4 lengths, which is rare for a 2yo in a stakes, and his most recent race he won easily with an 89 speed figure. A definite contender!”
3 Impaler, 2yo colt, 15/1, F Robbins (7%), Johar x Deputy Minister x Fappiano, trained by upperhand
Silky: “Here’s a turd that has never even run in an open stakes race. So what that he ran a 95 speed figure last time out, it was in an owner-restricted stakes involving the GR Simsters, a residency full of tricks, marks, and scallywags. Hell it took this chump of a trainer four races to figure out this horse liked the dirt.”
Paula: “Be nice Silky, this horse is one of the fastest horses in the field, and from what I’ve heard the GR Simsters are a really nice bunch of handsome young men, albeit most of them would be illegal for me to touch. I think their owner-restricted races are as good as, if not better than a lot of open stakes in the Sim. This horse is undefeated on the dirt and with some minor improvement has a great chance!”
4 Silvershaft, 2yo colt, 9/1, E Walker (8%), Mineshaft x
Silky: “Oh look here’s another horse from the GR Chumpsters, and he furthers proves they’re a bunch of bumbling fools. This skank got lucky going from an MSW to a stakes, and is going to fall flat on his face this weekend. I’ve even heard that his owner calls his stables the Lennbrenner Empire. That’s real cool. Cool like when I slap around my scallywags.”
Paula: “You’re so mean Silky! This horse not only has a great name, but he’s undefeated and has won both starts by more than a length, a telltale sign that he’s not running his hardest. You rarely see horses make the transition from MSW to stakes as easily as this one did, and I think it spells great things about his future. If he improves upon his 92 speed figure from his last race, victory could be his!”
5 Rhibus, 2yo colt, 5/1, R Case (18%), Kingmambo x Pleasant Colony x Nijinsky II, trained by gradetwo
Silky: “Rhibus Rhibus Rhibus, all I’ve heard about all year long is Rhibus. Well I tell you what, Rhibus ain’t jack! He beat up on a bunch of chumps in his first four races, and now that he’s faces good competition in his last two races he’s getting walked all over like one of my pimps when I drop the fist. The only way this horse wins the race is if that surgeon scallywag who’s a part owner threatens to take out all the other jockey’s spleens if they don’t let his trick pony win.”
Paula: “Geez Silky I hope he takes out YOUR spleen. This is one of the top contenders in the race, and has shown nothing but class so far in his career. He’s won graded sprints and routes, and perhaps just had an off day in the Breeders Bowl. The odds of him putting together two poor races in a row are very slim, and I’ll be shocked if this beautiful colt isn’t right there at the finish. A top contender!”
6 Half A World Away, 2yo colt, 9/2, J Benisz (23%), Belong To Me x Gone West x Verbatim, trained by foxvbullet
Silky: “This horse may be fast, but you let old Silky walk around the track with an uncontested lead and I might have won the Breeders Bowl too. I suppose this horse is the best of the worst, but from what I hear his owner talks way too much smack for his own good. I tell you what Mr. Big Mouth, come challenge Silky at the next Player Haters Ball and we’ll see who’s the biggest hata of them all!”
Paula: “How much longer do I have to be with this man? In any case, this horse is the deserving favorite this weekend, as his dominant performance in the Breeders Bowl was a sight to behold. He’s two-for-two in routes, both graded events, and has won both of those races by 2+ lengths with 94 and 99 speed figures respectively. He’s shown the ability to rate, so he doesn’t need the lead, and he will be very hard to beat with a performance anything close to what he did in the Breeders Bowl. Great horse!”
7 Goose Storm, 2yo colt, 16/1, B Chill (6%), Mongoose x Storm Cat x Key To The Kingdom, trained by graywolf13
Silky: “Mongoose? I think that was the name of my pet donkey I had when I was five. Judging by this horse, my Mongoose might have escaped and become a Sim sire. Five stakes races have resulted in five stakes disasters, including a double-digit drubbing in his only graded attempt. Expect to see this horse in a claimer next time out.”
Paula: “Silky stop being so mean! I see a lot of promise in this horse. He might have struggled in stakes company a few months ago, but he’s coming off a deceptively good allowance victory where he defeated 13 other juveniles with an 88 speed figure. He’s an improving horse and all he needs to do in order to be competitive this weekend is to improve five speed figure points. I like him!”
8 Backstage Buda, 2yo colt, 16/1, M Goldyn (9%), Sadler’s Wells x Danzig x
Silky: “Who is this horse kidding? He’s never run on the dirt and he only has one victory? I’m inviting this chump to the next Player Haters Ball so I have something to hate on like the pimp that I am.”
Paula: “This is exactly the type of great looking horse that could pull a huge upset like Arcangues in the 1993 Breeders Cup Classic. He has impeccable breeding, showed great class finishing in-the-money in his debut (which was in a stakes), and crushed his maiden breaker by 3+ lengths. Sons of Sadler’s Wells seem to love the dirt in the Sim and it’s very possible that this horse could improve 15 points and win the race!”
9 The Great Wells, 2yo colt, 36/1, M J Squitieri (7%), Albert The Great x Forest Wildcat x Sadler’s Wells, trained by lodog20
Silky: “Lodog needs to check himself into the nearest psychiatric ward as soon as possible because entering this horse in this spot is a surefire sign of lunacy.”
Paula: “I hope Lodog is 6’5’’ and shows up here Saturday to kick your scallywag arse! This horse might not have that fast of speed figures so far, but he’s sitting on a great performance! Two back he really ran awesome to win his maiden race by 2+ lengths, and he ran strongly to finish third in his first allowance effort. I think he could improve a lot this weekend and really surprise some people! Hooray!”
10 El Corzador, 2yo colt, 9/1, D J Joe (8%),
Silky: “Did Vanilla Ice just walk into the building? Because I see a one-hit wonder! Four consecutive stakes losses and then a 10 point speed figure increase? I predict this horse will be retired before next year’s Player Hater Ball!”
Paula: “You’re so mean Silky, this horse has an excellent chance to run even better this weekend than he did in his most recent race. He was simply awesome in that one, winning an 8 furlong stakes with a massive 95 speed figure, and he showed tremendous resolve and tenacity to win that race by a narrow ¼-length. It’s not uncommon for juveniles to finally get it, to flip the switch, and it looks like that’s what happened in this guy’s last race. He has a great chance to win!”
11 Groomed To Romp T, 2yo filly, 7/1, C Hargain (10%), Gone West x Blushing Groom x Crème Dela Crème, trained by pick 6
Silky: “Where to start with this trick mark scallywag. The only female in this race, and I guess her trainer figured that after finishing 10th against girls in the Breeders Bowl Fillies she should take on the boys. I’ll admit this is a pitiful field, but c’mon man stop doing your entries while sauced on moonshine!”
Paula: “Oh my what a gorgeous filly! Already a winner of more than $400,000, she has four graded in-the-money finishes to her name including a G3 victory. Two races back she ran in a route for the first time and finished a strong second in a G1. And may I add she had the stunningly handsome D Silver for the jockey in that race! I wish he would start returning my phone calls! In any case, she did struggle a bit in the Breeders Bowl, but word is that she flipped her palate in the final furlong. I think this little filly might just spring the upset and beat all these boys!”
12 Deputy Goldseeker, 2yo colt, 6/1, M Harrison (11%), Silver Deputy x Seeking The Gold x Silent Screen, trained by fairway
Silky: “The only thing this horse is seeking is a victory! No wins in his last three races so yeah let’s throw him into a G1. At least he ran well in his lone G1 starts, oh wait, he got scallywagged!”
Paula: “One of the fastest horses in the field, Silky’s comments here prove that he knows nothing about horse racing. This colt is coming off an impressive 94 speed figure in an 8 furlong stakes race in which he had opened up a five length lead around the far turn. If M Harrison can ration his speed a bit more there’s no doubt that this lovely colt might be in for a great performance! Go Goldseeker!”
13
Silky: “This horse reminds me that that punk Hassan Aljabr who lives down the street from me still owes me $5,000. And if he gives it to me, you better believe I won’t be betting on this nag. Can I leave yet?”
Paula: “This wonderful looking horse has a terrific chance to spring a mild upset this weekend! He won his first two dirt routes, including an awesome 2+ length victory two back in an 8.5 furlong stakes race with a 91 speed figure. He then dropped back to a mile for a G3, made a move around the far turn, and flattened out in the stretch to finish 4th. It was a perfect prep race for this one, and I think he is going to improve leaps and bounds this weekend! Great chance to win!”
Well, we’ve reached the end of the line, and I’d like to thank our celebrity judges for…
Silky: “Man shut the hell up! When’s Silky gonna get paid?”
Paula: “I don’t think Silky should get paid at all. He’s a mean man who obviously didn’t even look at the horses. By the way has anyone seen Corey Clark around?”
I guess that’s it for our celebrity judges. Good luck to everyone this weekend in the Eruption Handicap, it should be a fantastic race!