Thanksgiving Horses
Horses for Thanksgiving? That’s not right! How do you get ‘em in the oven? Here’s a flock of holiday-themed horse names. And if you feel inspired to breed your own, you could throw some of these sires into the pedigree: Tom Turkey, Turkey Trot, Pilgrim, Sauce Boat, Over the River. Unfortunately you can’t use the long-departed Pot-8-os. Someone ought to name a horse Squanto!
PUMPKIN PIE(PA) SIPHON(BRZ) x DAMISTER x STRIDING OUT
This five year old mare has started just twice, and hasn’t beat a horse to the wire. But hey, it’s everyone’s holiday favorite, right?
MASH POTATOES(ID) REVERSAL x DISCO RICO x FREUD
Okay, this one’s not much better, has beaten one horse so far in his juvenile career. His sire is about as well bred as you can get, and has popped out a few good runners in his freshman crop (pun intended) up in
YAM YAM YAM(IRE) DOUBLE ECLIPSE x SHADY HEIGHTS(GB) x DUBASSOFF
Is this what happens when too many people bring the orange stuff to the potluck? Now here’s one who has beaten two horses. Are we learning not to give your horses Thanksgiving theme names? Idle since 2008 and also a CPU horse now, he never took to what you’d figure was his native turf, and didn’t like dirt neither.
PILGRIMS(NY) FROST GIANT x DEVIL HIS DUE x DEPUTY MINISTER
This one is marginally better, another juvenile with at least a show finish. He’s also by an intriguing freshman sire, and might get better with age and a bit of distance. You’d think a horse by this name would be Massachusetts-bred, but there are so few of those.
PLYMOUTH LION CAVERN x DIGRESSION x CADEAUX GENEREUX(GB)
Hallelujah! A maiden winner! Edge hasn’t raced this ten year old horse, or any horse, since 2003, so there he sits, still N1X eligible. His win was as a two year old at 4.5 furlongs.
TURKEY SANDWICH(TUR) EAGLE EYED x TESTA ROSSA (AUS) x L’ENJOLEUR
The fate of many lunchboxes for the week to come. He’s an actual active horse with a win to his credit, and you can usually find him in the local bred ranks of his native land. Not too fast, but may be taking to the turf and grab another win.
TOFURKEY(KY) POINT GIVEN x
Not a bad little three year old, banging around in the mid-80s speeds and at home on either surface. Why he’s named after the well-known veggie substitute only jiggsup can say.
TURDUCKEN(SAF)
NOW we’re talking some chow! Many will remember John Madden talking up the virtues of this bird-within-a-bird-within-a-bird every year before kickoff. Someone from
CORNBREAD STUFFING(KY) COZZENE x BERING(GB) x SAINT BALLADO
Yum! Pretty much the fastest of this bunch, what with that big 93 staring at you (that doesn’t say much, does it?). Has been idling in jdawg10’s barn for over a year, so maybe it’s time to send this six year old mare to a suitable sire.
GREEN BEAN PIZZA(IRE) DANEHILL DANCER (IRE) x PINE BLUFF x SMARTEN
Umm, yuck, what were you thinking? Couldn’t you find any french fried onions? Nicely bred and broke his maiden third time out, but then lpc stopped on him and the rest of his stable (back in 2007). Now six, maybe someday he’ll be cut loose to do some damage.
SNOOPY’S BUDDY GROOM DANCER x HABITONY (IRE) x THATCHING(IRE)
Formerly of the aptly-named chbrown stable, the now-CPU horse has not been put into play in three years. Poor thing broke his maiden in a bottom-level claimer after fifteen tries, and then he just rots in the barn. Why is he in this article, do you ask? Who can forget
On that note, happy holiday to all, and save a slice of white meat for me.