Orphan Racing Presents: Mr Magoo’s Christmas Carol (The worst race in derbyfever)

Mr Magoo’s Christmas Carol

Will we have a dinner and some razzleberry dressing?

Oh, razzleberry dressing would be nice.

Will we have a pudding made of liver while we’re guessing?

Or maybe razzleberry dressing twice.

We haven’t had a hen, since I can’t tell you when.

We’d love a hen again

With razzleberry dressing.

We’ve been so awful good,

From me down to the baby.

And we’re not made of wood.

Or razzleberry gravy

We’ll have the Lord’s bright blessing

and knowing we’re together,

Knowing we’re together heart and hand.

We’ll make the whitest Christmas.

The very brightest Christmas.

A Christmas far more glorious than grand.

We can’t afford to have a hen. We will someday I vow

so I suggest you dream of then and prize what we have now.

Could we have a Christmas tree and on each branch a pudding.

The woofle jelly cake would be so nice.

Could we have a stocking full of presents on it, could we?

Some woofle jelly cake perhaps a slice.

And on the tree a star. Of shining Christmas gold.

A candle in a jar of razzleberry dressing.

We can’t afford a Christmas tree.

We will someday I vow.

Start smiling and enjoy with me

the miracle of now.

We’ll have the Lord’s bright blessing. And knowing we’re together.

Knowing we’re together heart and hand.

We’ll have the whitest Christmas.

The very brightest Christmas.

A Christmas far more glorious than grand

Now, we have a Christmas tree and on each branch a present. Some woofle jelly cake, perhaps, of twice.

And wood on the fireplace.

A home so warm and pleasant.

The woofle jelly cake is very nice.

And on the tree a star of shining Christmas gold.

A candle in a jar.

Of razzleberry dressing.

We’ll have the Lord’s bright blessing, and knowing we’re together.

Knowing we’re together heart and hand.

Ah ha

We’ll make the whitest Christmas, the lightest, brightest Christmas.

A Christmas far more glorious,

A Christmas far more glorious,

A Christmas far more glorious than Grand.

Welcome to Mr Magoo’s Christmas Carol, the race that stops the sim world. We wait in eagerness to see what the residents of Orphan Racing have produced to  ……not win but run stone motherless last. Yes, that is correct, run last. The object of this race is to try and run an SP slower than last year. The last place last year was taken out by Chips4u2c with a speed figure of 15.

What is on offer for the last place getter? How about a Lope De Vega 2yo in the new season? And that is just for running last. The race itself gives everyone a chance because it is run over 16F on the all-weather track.

Many tactics go into breeding a horse that is complete garbage, given the race is 16F do you breed a sprinter? should you inbreed the horse? how do you train it for the race? make it fat? what to do with jockey settings?

So many questions, and very few answers all we can do is take a look at the breedings and see if we can figure out who will win or ahhh lose.

The race is for unraced 3yo’s over 16 Furlongs on the All-Weather In Victoria for a purse of $78,000.

1. Fattest Sac 3yo Filly Jockey: S Nightingale Trainer : Croc  6/1

Sired in Argentina by Cosmic Trigger, winner of 2 races from only 2 starts Fattest Sac has some real quality in her pedigree, with horses such as Candy Stripes Danehill Dancer, Seattle Slew and Dynaformer to name a few. At Dam sire we have Chesterton Slew winner of 5 from 21 starts and $171,826 he ran 3^rd in the Hasta Lavist Stakes over 15 Furlongs, so he has some staying pedigree. Croc has chosen  Gone North a winner of $103,772 he won 2 of 31 but was also further paced 6 times.

This horse has way too much staying pedigree to come home behind the ambulance.

• I Have a Fat Sack Jockey: D Evans Trainer: Johnno 2/1

By Oklahoma sire I Spent it, who was a winner of the Saratoga Special as a 2yo and runner up in the Grade 1 Hopeful stakes. He only had 7 starts but amassed $347.640 in earnings from his 7-race career.  He has some great horses in his pedigree in Kentucky Derby winner Super Saver, A.P Indy, Pulpit, Sham, Messa and Seattle Slew littered throughout his pedigree. Johnno has picked 4-time winner Roaring Fever at Dam Sire and 1 time winner Beautiful Indy at DDS. So this horse has a large amount of A.P Indy/Seattle slew lines.

I’m not to sure they are the kinds of horses I would want to inbreed, and lose.

• Beckham Spice Jockey: MD Salisbury Trainer: Magoo2912 9/2

Mr Magoo himself has chosen a different path going with Australian Sprint lines for his Filly Beckham spice. He chose to use good Australian Sprinter Snippets throughout the breeding. Sire Beckham was a good horse winning 7 from 36 starts and $285,738 AUD. With the highlight being 2^nd in the Eyliner stake at Ipswitch. At DS with have The Hammer, who like Beckham is by Snippets, He won 6 times from 19 starts but nothing noteworthy. At DDS is Kiwi sire EL Hermano, he never hit the racetrack and it is notable that his Grand sire is also Snippets. Not sure how this Girl will go breeding suggests she should be stopping with 9 Furlongs left in the race.

• Pokey Pace Jockey: D Evans Trainer: Selurnivek 18/1

Selurnivek has picked Soul Warrior as the sire of Pokey Pace, a winner of the West Virginia Derby, he was also the sire of the Jamaican Triple Crown in Supreme Soul, so his progeny do have the ability to get a trip. At DS Not much is known about this horse other than he race record of 22 Starts for 2 wins and a place. And at DDS is Afleet Bob, winner of 3 from just 7 starts, but again not a huge amount of info.

I’m just s bit worried for him having such a long-distance pedigree in the sire, even though it was only in Jamaica.

• Blob Along Jockey: M Miller Trainer: Meguire 5/1

Meguire sends out Blob along a filly by Irish sire Bachelor Son. Who apparently won 8 Races from 12 starts, I think 1 of them was in Istanbul Turkey. His DDS line has 3 champions in Mr Prospector, Seattle Slew and Nijinsky. At DS Blue Constellation a winner of 6 of his 12 starts in Italy and France mostly at sprint distances. Rounding off at DDS is Aussie sire Bullbars a very good sprinter who only won twice but one was at Group 3 level and he did run 2^nd in the Australian Guineas, and he was no slouch for the Godolphin operation. There is some staying blood in the sire but the back end is all sprint, he looks like a turf horse, not sure how he will go.

• Loving Daddy Jockey: J Cox Trainer: Glenmorepark 9/2

Glenmore Park has certainly got the most inbred horse in the race in Loving Daddy, he has managed to get Chapel Royal on a 2Sx3Dx4D Cross. Loving Daddy is sired by That’s Rich who was last seen breeding with a $1,000 fee in West Verginia, oh yes take me home West Virginia. At DS we have his half brother in Bobalicious, he didn’t win a race in 6 starts and is also breeding for a poultry $1,000 in West Virginia. Rounding out the horse at DSS is the Dad of both Chapel Royal and Bobalicious in Chapel Royal, who was a good horse winning almost $500,000 in stakes. He was last see in South Korea listed as a gelding, Obviously his balls were better as a meal than having more progeny. This horse has 3 legs, but are they fast legs?

• Won’t Do That Far Jockey: D Dowel Trainer: Chips4u2c 10/1

So, the next horse Won’t do that far is owned by Chips who wanted it made know that his horse’s Sire, Dam Sire and DDS never won a race between them, This investigative  reporter has dug into the Archives and found his sire Fast Gold did in fact win 4 races from 19 starts including the Group 1 Grande Primio Parana and Curtiba G1//Classico Delegacoes Turfistcas over 11 and 12 Furlongs respectively. Not much is know about his Dam Sire Do It Again as he only had 2 starts for 1 win. The DDS is Leinster House won 8 races from 47 starts, he was a sprinter though and has since gone on to sire a number of Quarter Horses. I think Chips has outsmarted himself, he is set to lead the field and looking at his sire pedigree might run the field into the ground.

• Slothy Sloth Jockey: B Deay Trainer: Crawf68 10/1

The Crawfinator bring Slothy Sloth to the races for today’s contest a Bay Colt by El Gran Caricuao a winner of 4 races from 7 starts this Venezuelan Sire has a couple of stand outs in his pedigree including Sadler’s Wells and Seatle Slew and a dosage that suggests he may have some staying ability. At Dam sire is Lawmaker the Robert Sangster owned Stallion who wone the Irish Railway stakes a 6 Furlong contest at The Curragh in Ireland. He won a total of $23,048 given that he cost $500,000 as a yearling in 1980, that is not a great return, he was also sent to Venezuela as a stallion in 1990. At DDS Crawf has continued the theme by using another Venezuelan in Traffic Street a 6 time winner from 26 starts. Hard to tell what his best race was as it is all in Spanish.

This horse has too much staying blood for me.

9.   The Fat Kid Jockey: W Barnett Trainer Lindsypark 17/1

Rounding out the field is a filly named after his Trainer The Fat Kid for the Lindsy Park stable, He has used Montelu as the sire for the fat kid, a horse who broke the track record at Laplata over 1600m. a Winner of 8 from 40 starts he won 264 Million Pesos. That is about $328,000 US. At DS is Never Undercharge an Australian sire that had career earnings of $833,000 AUD and was a winner of the 1993 Stradbroke Handicap over a mile. At DDS is an American horse call Spotful a runner up in the G1 Futurity. And winner of $220,000 USD. This horse looks to be an out and out miler, but does have some class about her.

Well looking at the Pedigrees I’m a little disappointed with so much staying ability amongst this group of draft horses. And I have no idea what Chips was thinking, he assured me none of his horses won a race, but anyway, lets get down to it. I will not count my own horse when it comes to the selections. I think the horse that is best suited to run last in Loving Daddy for Glenmore Park. The horse has 2 heads and 3 legs, but this could also come down to how fat these horses are, where they are ridden in the race. And many other factors. Let’s hope some slip on Razzelberry Dressing.

For Anybody that is interested in Joining Orphans Racing please send an email to orphanracing@gmail.com We have some great fun, and what is the best contest in the sim the magic millions, where you get to breed a real life horse and follow them both throughout their careers.

Also Merry Christmas to all of you and a Happy New Year.