{"id":8659,"date":"2010-11-18T23:34:06","date_gmt":"2010-11-18T23:34:06","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/blacktypebugler.com\/?p=8659"},"modified":"-0001-11-30T00:00:00","modified_gmt":"-0001-11-30T00:00:00","slug":"oldbtb_99","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/btb.ehorseracing.com\/?p=8659","title":{"rendered":"SIM by the Dozens"},"content":{"rendered":"

Donnybeisbol\u2019s\u00a0<\/span>\u201cDoin\u2019 the Dozens\u201d<\/o:p><\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/o:p><\/p>\n

Lots of great things come in dozens \u2013 that\u2019s groups of 12, for the uninitiated.\u00a0 <\/span>\u00a0<\/span>Donuts, absolutely.\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>Eggs, surely.\u00a0 <\/span>\u00a0<\/span>Who could forget The Dirty Dozen?\u00a0 <\/span>And the Apostles (OK\u2026 I guess one of them didn\u2019t turn out so well).\u00a0 <\/span>Why not do the SIM in dozens as well?<\/p>\n

There are dozens of examples, no doubt.\u00a0 <\/span>But the dozens referred to in today\u2019s article is in fact related to definition number three, courtesy of our friends at Miriam-Webster:<\/p>\n

Do-zen<\/b>\u00a0 <\/span>3. \u00a0\u00a0<\/span>Plural but singular in construction:<\/i> A ritualized word game that consists of exchanging insults usually about the members of the opponent\u2019s family\u00a0 <\/span>— used with the<\/o:p><\/i><\/p>\n

Wikipedia <\/b>also weighs in on the cultural origins of the Dozens\u00a0<\/span>http:\/\/en.wikipedia.org\/wiki\/The_Dozens<\/a><\/p>\n

Interesting\u2026 but can you really believe what you read in Wikipedia? <\/p>\n

Nevertheless, in order to appease the long-suffering editors of the Black Type Bugler, and to protect the innocent and the defenseless, all names and identities have been changed or fictionalized.\u00a0 <\/span>Any correlation between the people depicted below and your actual family is purely coincidental, as well as horribly unfortunate for you.\u00a0 <\/span>If you feel the need to respond or retaliate, well, just send me a private message and we can do the dozens in the BTB next week!<\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/o:p><\/p>\n

SIMULATEDSPORTS \/ DERBYFEVER.COM by the DOZENS<\/o:p><\/span><\/b><\/p>\n

1.\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0<\/span><\/span><\/span>Your mom is so fat, the veterinarian told her to lay off the alfalfa flakes.<\/p>\n

2.\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0<\/span><\/span><\/span>Your mother is so stupid, she thought \u201cmaiden claimer\u201d meant a \u201cLost and Found\u201d for virgins.<\/p>\n

3.\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0<\/span><\/span><\/span>Your mom\u2019s so hairy, she asked for a tattoo so they put one on the inside of her lip. <\/p>\n

4.\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0<\/span><\/span><\/span>Your momma is so dumb, she tried to make change for a dollar at the Quarter Pole.<\/p>\n

5.\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0<\/span><\/span><\/span>Your sister is so \u201cfriendly\u201d, she\u2019s available to be bred for 20 credits on Friday night.<\/p>\n

6.\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0<\/span><\/span><\/span>Your daddy\u2019s so ignorant, he tried to enter a Filet Mignon in a stakes race.<\/p>\n

7.\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0<\/span><\/span><\/span>Your dad\u2019s so skinny, Mike Wallace hired him to be the finish line.<\/p>\n

8.\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0<\/span><\/span><\/span>Yo\u2019 granny\u2019s backside is so wide, they put numbers on her forehead and used her as a starting gate.<\/p>\n

9.\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0<\/span><\/span><\/span>Your father is so crazy, he thought \u201ccvbear\u201d was a forest creature who typed resumes.<\/p>\n

10.\u00a0\u00a0<\/span><\/span><\/span>Your mom smells so bad, she loses every race by a nose.<\/p>\n

11.\u00a0\u00a0<\/span><\/span><\/span>Your dad is so broke, he couldn\u2019t breed an Ohio-bred on Sunday morning during half-price week.<\/p>\n

And finally\u2026<\/p>\n

12.\u00a0\u00a0<\/span><\/span><\/span>Yo\u2019 mama\u2019s so dumb, she thought \u201cNorthern Dancer\u201dreferred to Bristol Palin.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

A 12-pack of simulated knowledge<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":67,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"colormag_page_container_layout":"default_layout","colormag_page_sidebar_layout":"default_layout","footnotes":""},"categories":[4],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-8659","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-general"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/btb.ehorseracing.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/8659","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/btb.ehorseracing.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/btb.ehorseracing.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/btb.ehorseracing.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/67"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/btb.ehorseracing.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=8659"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/btb.ehorseracing.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/8659\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/btb.ehorseracing.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=8659"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/btb.ehorseracing.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=8659"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/btb.ehorseracing.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=8659"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}