I\u2019m here in beautiful Kansas to write about the Great Plains Breeders Bowl Turf Mile. Are you excited? Probably about as excited as me. Only one word could possibly describe the excitement in the air concerning this event:<\/P> Whoopdi-frickin-do.<\/P> Really. I mean who cares about this? I think I\u2019m getting paid, but I don\u2019t even know how much. Is anyone other than someone from the Great Plains Residency even going to look at this? I know I\u2019m not going to read about other residency races. Shoot, I\u2019m not going to watch the race or look at the results, I\u2019m sure as heck not going to read about it. Oh sure, I read Knightmare\u2019s weekly article about the big races, but he\u2019s actually a talented writer and writes about horses of sim-wide significance. I\u2019ll look over the race previews for some of the big races every now and then and I\u2019ll read the Black Type Bugler on big race days, but residency restricted races? Get real. I\u2019d rather read the phone book.<\/P> How non-exciting is this event? I\u2019m in Kansas. You know what there is to do in Kansas? Nothing. There is NOTHING to do here. Nothing.<\/B> In a place where there is nothing to do, you know how much interest the Great Plains Breeders Bowl has? Zero. That\u2019s right. People would rather watch network tv (cable is still unavailable in many locations) on a Saturday afternoon than pay attention to this cheap bunch of claimers and allowance horses that we\u2019re pretending are worth some notoriety run in a circle.<\/P> How bored am I already with this? I\u2019ll tell you. I\u2019ve changed fonts 12 times. Instead of diving into these crappy past performances, I\u2019m playing with fonts.<\/P> What a waste of time.<\/P> Even worse, these aren\u2019t even frickin\u2019 stakes races. The Great Plains Breeders Bowl Classic Allowance? What the heck is Fabman spending our credits on! He didn\u2019t even buy us stakes races! They\u2019d probably have been claimers if he thought he could have gotten away with it. Someone\u2019s going to have to check his stables and see if there have been any suspicious breedings lately. What a crock.<\/P> Unreal. I mean it. If you\u2019re reading this right now, you\u2019re either a member of Great Plains or accidentally found this from google because I\u2019m putting hidden “hot teen girls” in hidden subtext throughout the article just to mess with drunk guys at home at 2am after striking out at last call at the bar. Who else could possibly care about this race. I guess maybe if you\u2019re thinking about claiming one of these down the road – I\u2019d say 80% of them will be back in claimers where they belong in two weeks anyway.<\/P> You know what the final kicker is? I can\u2019t even make fun of any of these stupid horses for being in this “prestigious event” because after nominations were lagging early on, I got on everyone to be aggressive and try to have some residency spirit and take part. So now I\u2019m<\/B> the jerk if I say, “Bonus, why don\u2019t you just keep Naptown Rainbow hidden in the back of your barn for another 10 weeks so you don\u2019t embarrass yourself or her any more by displaying how you managed to get an AP Indy so slow it couldn\u2019t outrun a trotter. Or Trotter.” Great. I\u2019m going to end up being the jerk for all of this. <\/P> I don\u2019t even know who\u2019s idea this entire event was anyway. What are we trying to promote with this farce anyway? Ooh, look at this, we have a horse that ran 102 once, now let\u2019s see if he can win a race where we don\u2019t invite anyone else… like I said before, Whoopdi-frickin-do. Whoever thought of this should be kicked out. Send him (or her, it was probably one of the whiny chicks over there) over to some residency with people who actually have good ideas that don\u2019t pollute the Black Type Bugler with this kind of crap.<\/P> I\u2019m surprised there\u2019s odds. I\u2019d have figured the cpu would have looked at this disaster and just said “$#*@ it, I\u2019m not dealing with this crap,” and pretended it was in Dubai where there was no wagering allowed. If you don\u2019t make a morning line and nobody shows up to the track to bet, what happens?\u00a0 Does Jimmy the Greek come back from the dead to torture us with negative expectation gambling picks on Sunday morning football games again? Is there a reason to waste Mike\u2019s cpu power on computing odds for races that are going to be forgettable before they are run?<\/P> What a bunch of crap. There should be some kind of law that keeps Residency restricted race previews on the message boards they came from.<\/P> You know what? I forgot the other part about this that sucks. No fourteen horse cap. There\u2019s sixteen horses in here! Who wants to look at sixteen owner restricted horses? I don\u2019t want to look at any of them, and that includes my own!<\/P><\/FONT> Ok, I\u2019ll pretend to be interested. Sixteen horses nobody cares about, each one with no more than one sentence of a description.<\/P><\/FONT><\/FONT> Hmm, just because a font is pretty doesn\u2019t mean you want to read a sentence written in it. Some of these are gruesome.\u00a0 Like that last one.<\/P> 1- Deputy Hunter – G1 Smackdown event winner makes her a contender.<\/P> 2- Empire Clone – Deep closer fits with these.<\/P> 3- Alleged Empire – Mile specialist is hot and improving.<\/P> 4- Empire Hill – How many Empire Makers are in this race, anyway?<\/P> 5- Devil\u2019s Reject – Winner first time in barn after claim, but will need a big effort to contend.<\/P> 6- Naptown Rainbow – Trainer is bald.<\/P> 7- Intermystic – Would have a shot if Fabman would have made this the GP BB Turf Mile N3L Allowance.<\/P> 8- Big Cat Hunter – Another mile specialist from Barndog.<\/P> 9- A.P. Geisha – Been sprinting lately but 6 for 9 around two turns.<\/P> 10- Mesa Dream -I don\u2019t even know who this is. Really.<\/P> 11- No Promised Land – Hard to throw out an entrant from the best trainer in the sim.<\/P> 12- Mythicat – Thought I was done dealing with Bokie when GSR folded.<\/P> 13- Long Island Wells – Is there an award for the trainer with the least creative horse names?<\/P> 14- Alytax – I was a fan of Artax back in his racing days, but not so much his sire days.<\/P> 15- King\u2019s Song – Speedy, lightly raced, and dangerous.<\/P> 16- North of the Park – Speedy, lightly raced, and dangerous.<\/P><\/FONT> There you have it. The Great Plains Breeders Bowl Turf Mile Allowance. It will be a special day that nobody cares about and even fewer will remember. I mean, really? We didn\u2019t even get stakes races? Did Fabman stop at the OTB on the way to buy the races?\u00a0 How did this happen?<\/P><\/FONT><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" What attitude will prevail? Whoopdi-do? Who cares? So what? Read on to find out!<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":241,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"colormag_page_container_layout":"default_layout","colormag_page_sidebar_layout":"default_layout","footnotes":""},"categories":[2],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-5008","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-previews"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/btb.ehorseracing.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5008","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/btb.ehorseracing.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/btb.ehorseracing.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/btb.ehorseracing.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/241"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/btb.ehorseracing.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=5008"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/btb.ehorseracing.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5008\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/btb.ehorseracing.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=5008"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/btb.ehorseracing.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=5008"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/btb.ehorseracing.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=5008"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}