{"id":27119,"date":"2014-12-24T09:00:55","date_gmt":"2014-12-24T14:00:55","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/blacktypebugler.com\/?p=27119"},"modified":"2015-01-09T19:52:38","modified_gmt":"2015-01-10T00:52:38","slug":"sim-night-before-christmas","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/btb.ehorseracing.com\/?p=27119","title":{"rendered":"Sim Night Before Christmas By: Dr. Dipper Dip"},"content":{"rendered":"

Ed. Note: First published in 1999, it just wouldn’t be Christmas without this classic simulated tale delighting new players and old alike. We want to recognize the good Dr. Dipper Lip for this 15th anniversary of the Sim Night Before Christmas.\u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n

By-\u00a0Doctor Dipper Lip\u00a0<\/b><\/p>\n

‘T<\/span>was the night before Christmas, when all through the barns
\nNot a horseman was stirring, not even\u00a0JEFF<\/b>\u00a0telling yarns;
\nThe feedbags were hung by the stall doors with care;
\nIn hopes that\u00a0ST BILLGULCH<\/b>\u00a0soon would be there;<\/p>\n

The grooms and\u00a0RR<\/b>\u00a0were all nestled snug in their beds,
\nWhile visions of sim cash danced in their heads;
\nAnd\u00a0CATCHER<\/b>\u00a0in her kerchief and\u00a0ROCK<\/b>\u00a0in his cap,
\nHad just settled down for a wee backstretch nap.<\/p>\n

When out on the turf arose such a clatter,
\nThat even\u00a0SAL<\/b>\u00a0woke to see what was the matter.
\nAway to the window\u00a0SAL<\/b>\u00a0flew like a flash
\nDropping the pizza and spilling the hash.<\/p>\n

The moon on the breast of the new fallen snow
\nGave the luster of winning mutual tickets to objects below.
\nWhen, what to\u00a0ROYS’\u00a0<\/b>bloodshot eyes should appear,
\nBut a miniature sleight stocked full of coors beer.<\/p>\n

With a rock’in young driver, splattered with mulch
\nWe knew one and all that it must be\u00a0ST BILLGULCH<\/b>.
\nLike an Ongoing Tune his horses they came,
\nAnd he whistled, and shouted and called them by name<\/p>\n

Now,\u00a0CRICKER<\/b>\u00a0! now,\u00a0CODA<\/b>\u00a0! hey\u00a0CADET<\/b>\u00a0and\u00a0FL<\/b>!
\nOn,\u00a0ZGREAT<\/b>! now\u00a0ACE<\/b>\u00a0hey\u00a0SNOWCHIEF<\/b>\u00a0and\u00a0RL<\/b>!
\nTo the top of the clubhouse! He’s having a ball
\nNow sprint away, sprint away, sprint away all.<\/p>\n

Pulling hard to the left,\u00a0ST BILLGULCH\u00a0<\/b>gave a sigh
\nAs\u00a0DAVARTO<\/b>\u00a0and\u00a0EMIT\u00a0<\/b>off stride careened by
\nSo up on the roof top the horses they flew
\nWith the sleigh full of tickets and\u00a0ST BILLGULCH<\/b>\u00a0too.<\/p>\n

And then as a clanking was heard on the roof
\nThe prancing and pawing of each little hoof.
\nAs I looked at the scratch sheet and was turning around,
\nDown from the Stewards room\u00a0ST. BILLGULCH\u00a0<\/b>came with a bound.<\/p>\n

He was dressed all in old forms from his head to his hat,
\nAnd unanswered e-mails stuffed in his sack.
\nA bundle of programs he had flung on his back,
\nAnd he looked like the paperboy with betting slips in his pack.<\/p>\n

His eyes how they twinkled with visions to come
\nOf trifectas and numbers and drinking some rum.
\nHis wake was crowded with touts in the know
\nWith\u00a0LEBRECHE<\/b>\u00a0and\u00a0TINA<\/b>\u00a0and even\u00a0TANICO.<\/b><\/p>\n

The stump of a pencil he held tight in his lips,
\nWith\u00a0UNBRIDLED<\/b>\u00a0and\u00a0SOCAL<\/b>\u00a0giving him tips.
\nHe sat at the table and pondered the chase,
\nIn hopes that his horse would at least finish the race.<\/p>\n

He was chubby and plump, like a retired old jock
\nAnd resembled a pauper who was just out of hock.
\nWith a wink of his eye and a slap of his knee
\nHe added, subtracted and cackled with glee.<\/p>\n

He spoke not a word but kept straight at his work,
\nErasing and writing he then turned with a jerk,
\nAnd laying his finger aside of his nose,
\nWent straight to the teller before he could close.<\/p>\n

Then back to the rooftop, to his team gave a whistle,
\nAnd away they all galloped fast as a missile.
\nI heard him exclaim, ere he drove out of sight,
\nBigger Bets, Better Mutuals and TO ALL A GOOD NIGHT.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Ed. Note: First published in 1999, it just wouldn’t be Christmas without this classic simulated tale delighting new players and<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":91,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"colormag_page_container_layout":"default_layout","colormag_page_sidebar_layout":"default_layout","footnotes":""},"categories":[5],"tags":[78],"class_list":["post-27119","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-breeding","tag-sim-night-before-christmas"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/btb.ehorseracing.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/27119","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/btb.ehorseracing.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/btb.ehorseracing.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/btb.ehorseracing.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/91"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/btb.ehorseracing.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=27119"}],"version-history":[{"count":7,"href":"https:\/\/btb.ehorseracing.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/27119\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":27129,"href":"https:\/\/btb.ehorseracing.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/27119\/revisions\/27129"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/btb.ehorseracing.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=27119"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/btb.ehorseracing.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=27119"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/btb.ehorseracing.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=27119"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}